The empty nest

Day 2
The empty nest

An empty nest, can bring lots and lots of rest. I know, yesterday I slept from 8 in the A.M. to 4:47 in the P.M. I surprised myself! 8 hours and 47 minutes of uninterrupted sleep! I have not had that in a long time. There are two reasons for this - I have the coolest job, so I am on holidays because of Ash Wednesday and I have an empty nest for the weekend! The kids are having a grand time with grandma! My grand time - apparently revolves around sleep- 8 hours of sleep!

His eye is on the sparrow

A few days ago, February 6th to be exact, I stumbled upon a nest (feel free to StumbleUpon my blog :) ). It was perched so low on a hanging branch that I was puzzled by it's mere existence. I thought birds built their nest up high, but, I was happy that I got myself a bird's eye view. I immediately grabbed my camera- you know- the one attached to my phone. I started snapping at the cutest little bird in the perfectly shaped low hanging nest. Just tiny little black eyes with a slender teeny tiny beak revealed their hiding place. Not a sound did they make.As I snapped, I looked around for their mommy- nowhere in sight was she. I felt scared for them. For I knew if any curious kids stumbled upon them, they would be goners. The nest though well camouflaged was much too low - for me.

two little birds by my doorstep

 I called my littlest daughter, I said, I have something to show you - she couldn't see, I had to lift her, she then smiled in awe. She called her sister and her friend who was playing in the yard; my littlest one, shook the branch! Not out of spite I am sure, but out of mere curiousity- she wanted to get close to the birds. I was none too happy, I told her so too and she confirmed my fear - the nest, though well camouflaged was much too low- for me.

Some time later, I went back to check on them, my oldest daughter had reliably informed me, that the mommy bird was out looking for the best worms she could find, and that is why she has been gone for so long. She is filled with little bits of knowledge gems. The mommy had indeed returned, but I saw no worm,and I didn't get that photo op either..*wonk wonk*. The tiny mommy bird perched on a branch above her nest- looking up, I understood now why the nest and the baby birds were so small. I felt comforted that she was back..but still...The nest, though well camouflaged was much too low- for me. I worried about the three.

Today, I went to have a look see. The little birdies were still there, they had grown, some colour had come in on their feathers, and the nest seemed smaller somehow; maybe it seemed that way because they had grown. I snapped pictures, then I saw the mommy bird fly by; I took my queue. I was an unwanted intruder in her home. The nest though well camouflaged was much too low- for me...but...it was working quite well for the three.

The birds today

Luke 12:7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.24 Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap: which neither have storehouses or barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls.

His eye is on the sparrow, so I know he watches me!

We are many times curious onlookers into other peoples lives, many times we see things that we think needs to be fixed. Often times we offer unsolicited advice, we often fail to realize that what works for us, doesn't necessarily work for others. We oftentimes can be meddlesome and not even know it - for even though a well built nest seems too low for us - it works well for who it serves.

The beauty about the God we serve is that he isn't using a cookie sheet, he doesn't have a one size fits all plan. He has tailored made plans for even the sparrows. If I were a bird, I'd probably build my nest way up high but sometimes 'up there' isn't the best place- it's easier for predators to see.
A low place, that small well camouflaged place, that away from the crowd place, is sometimes the best place. There are times when God has to take us low to protect us, but, we don't see. We see only 'up there'.

And just imagine being up there, deciding in your mind to come down here. This low place. This crazy, carnal, sin-filled place, your very well camouflaged place. Coming here to this low place, was the only way that we could be in a protected space. Heaven...I thought for a moment was contemplating having it's own empty nest. The thought came to me and I dismissed it totally, for my mind knows that heaven wasn't really empty when Jesus was on earth. That whole omni-present bit. But I thought it, I thought it, I contemplated it. A parent on high, sending his child down low, knowing the outcome would be death. A parent that never hovered around the naysayers, the intruders, the know it alls; a parent that watched the agony, pain and suffering of their only child for me, for you, for us. I dismissed that thought, for heaven wasn't really empty.

I, a curious bird watcher, sat considerate of my little discovery, I but for a fleeting moment pondered about their safety. I spared a thought of what they would eat, of where their protector was; but as concerned as I was, it was for a mere moment. I went on with my life. I was also pretty psyched about catching a glimpse of them on camera - the wanna be photographer in me; but I went on with my life.

I tried an overlay

We are not but a mere thought to our Christ, "Behold, I have engraven thee upon the palms of my hands, thy walls are continually before me." (Isaiah 49:16). We are his pride and joy, just like the bird that fluttered by me when I intruded on her home and around her prized possession, so God will protect and avenge us, his prized possessions.

Romans 5: 19 "For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous."

Butterfly kisses and sacrifice

No, I have not abandoned my blog! I had no internet connection at home for a few weeks ( insert jaw drop here...) and I lived to tell the story! I certainly missed not sharing and I did feel guilty, especially on my posting days - Wednesdays and Fridays, but I do believe I am back in business.

Over my hiatus, I observed many things, I had many ideas for articles but in the hustle and bustle that is life, I managed to write down none and remember only a few. This one thing stuck.

All our caterpillar moments lead to wings

When I was a little girl, I loved butterflies. I would come out into the garden with my little plaits, wait on them to perch ever so gracefully on a flower and put their wings together as they became lost in nectar heaven; then I would strike! That's when I would  lift them up and put them in my jar and close the lid. I would rub my index finger in a circle on my thumb, feeling the fuzz that made the beautiful pattern that drew me in, then I sat.  I watched. I watched the thing of beauty die. At my hands. 

I remembered my mummy told me to pierce holes in the top of the lid, so the poor things could breathe, I thought, oh yes!...that's my flaw in design. I pierced holes. I caught butterflies ever so skillfully. Butterflies still died. I'm not sure if it was the trauma of all that butterfly death, but I soon lost interest in catching butterflies.

I had a conversation with a gentleman once about caterpillars and a book I've been trying to read for about 2 years now - If Caterpillars can Fly So Can I by Alvin Day. We didn't talk much about the book - he just said - Caterpillars can't fly! I disagreed. Caterpillars were born to fly, they were made to fly, operating on the single premise that, the caterpillar will eventually become a butterfly- who was born to fly...

"It doesn't matter what you see now, can you see His glory?" ( I Know Who I am by Sinach) 

The gentleman, well, he didn't get it, he was being literal, and caterpillars only crawl and eat leaves- and they, well, they have no visible wings.

Just last week, I went to pick my daughter up at school and she said all excitedly,

" Mummy! The caterpillars are back!" " So many of them, and the children are killing them and squashing them."

 Those caterpillars won't fly. It took me back to my butterfly catching days. They, because of me- wouldn't fly either.

 Then she showed me, probably what were hundreds of caterpillars under a long stretch of wall at school. Caterpillars all huddled together, all in varying stages of metamorphosis. It gave me pause, I had never seen that before, I was more impressed with butterfly wings. Then I went to pick up my other daughter, and their seating area had all but been abandoned because the caterpillars had taken over their Lignum Vitae tree, Jamaica's National flower.

 It was time for pale yellow butterflies to spread their wings.

A few times a year in Jamaica, there are a few days filled with tiny pale yellow butterflies, (Krigonia lyside) happily flying around, and before you know it; they all but disappear. It happens, this year I saw, just because my eyes were open.

As I looked at the chrysalis at my daughter's school, I had a thought, these butterflies, these specific tiny ones go through four different stages, just to live for a few days, some, mere hours, others- minutes...it almost seems- counter-productive. But is it? 

Can caterpillars really fly? - Technically- No

Do caterpillars have wings? - Scientifically- No

But.....something happens inside that chrysalis, something happens when that caterpillar hangs upside down on it's head. It makes wings. Wings that were 'never' there before and as I watched a time elapse video of a caterpillar's metamorphosis, my daughter started watching too, she said..

"I don't see any changes though."

 But I did, they were subtle, almost invisible. Towards the end,when the chrysalis changed shape and got fatter, she then said, 

"Oh, I see the changes now."

Changes start ever so small, sometimes even when it is in us, we tend to overlook or disregard them, looking instead, at the bigger, more visible flaws.

.....All I require for life, God has given me, and I know who I am ( I Know Who I am- Sinach)

2 Peter 1:3 "According as his divine power hath given us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue." 

ALL I require for life...............LIFE.............I have been given. It means that I can make this life make sense. It means I can make the mundane tasks, the fiery darts, the jars that prevent wings from spreading metamorphis into a beautiful work of art that only a master potter could envision. You see, the truth is, His creation, it speaks to us. The caterpillar hangs upside down to change into it's finest hour; but, when things are toppled upside down, we panic, we grow weary, we get frantic,we curse at the master potter. For we can not see. We can not see the beauty in the caterpillar moments. That ugly, creepy crawly, leaf eating, plant destroying, garden wrecking, school bench taking-over caterpillar, is the same one that births those beautiful butterflies that we chase after as little children, and put them in glass jars, just so we can have them, albeit selfishly for ourselves. They get all the glory, and if they came by my house when I was a child...unfortunately, they got some of the pain too. 

I say this to say...the process, is worth the journey. 

Hang upside down and embrace the change, because your wings are in those upside down, topsy turvy days. Those days that you cry, those days that only you can see your change, just keep hanging upside down. God's got you covered, in this stage and the next. My daughter, she told me so too. She sprightly said'

 " Mummy, you know when birds see those butterfly wings what they see?"

 " Dinner perhaps?"  I thought but never said;

Then she says, " They see something that tastes bad, the colours (yellow) on the butterflies tell birds that they taste bad, so they won't eat them, but it's not really true, they taste good."

"How do you know? Have you ever tasted butterfly wings?" - that, I said....

We both laughed...."Muuuuuummmyyyy....I could never taste that!"

And do you see our Bible in action? ALL, I require for life, God has given, even the butterflies, so why not I? Why on earth do we doubt him?

And on that matter of a butterfly's lifespan? That question I asked myself, is it all worth it?

If you have ever seen these little pale yellow butterflies in motion, you would know that it most definitely is. They do not move with butterfly grace, they do not have all the patterns and sequence of the ones we normally admire, but they have all they require for their short lives.

They huddle together in caterpillar families, they go through changes together, and when their crowning moment finally comes, they fly together so rapidly and succinctly that it makes a yellow wave of joy fill your heart, at the wonderment that it must be to fly, to spread your wings, to live your purpose, to do what you were born to do..even if it is for just a moment in time. 

Afterall, when we count up our years, isn't it all just a moment?

Psalm 90:4 For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday, when it is past, and as a watch in the night. 12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

What changes are you going through this new year? Will you embrace the change and see it as a means to your end?

Readings : 1 Peter and 2 Peter

                                                I know who I AM by Sinach

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The moth, the screaming lady, and the light - let's All come in

Imagine for a minute, a grown woman running around her bedroom with a can of insect spray screaming. Just screaming. Not spraying. Not spraying anything.

Now, imagine on the other end of the shrill, a moth. Not just any moth. A big one. Brown. Spotted, with strips. Teeny tiny googley eyes. Imagine it flying around. It too must be scared of this grown woman running around with a can. Screaming.

That was how I spent about an hour last night. A big brown moth had flown through my window. In Jamaica, we calls these big moths - 'duppy bats'. Translation for duppy - ghost! They are apparently evil, and if someone dies and they fly into your house - it's thought that it's that dead person in 'duppy bat' form! So do I want a 'duppy bat' in my bedroom? I think not. I shrieked.

It flew around in my bedroom, and I didn't take my eyes off of the thing, I screamed- just screamed, and woke everyone up. Then it went to the window and I took my eyes off it for one minute, to get the spray and it was gone. I felt a sense of relief but the fact that I didn't see it fly out myself, I wasn't at ease. I turned the light on and off - no moth. I exhaled. As I was ready to turn in and turn the lights out - it flew straight at me!

It was me, the moth and a can of insect spray. I lived to tell the tale, the insect spray is still here to kill again- and the moth? It died from cruel and unusual punishment from numerous sprays from the tin plus hits from my pillow when it landed on my bed dazed. Talk about overkill!

That poor moth died more from cultural beliefs than from being a scary creature. For as I went into the bathroom, there was a tiny moth by the light, resting, I assume. I wasn't the least bit perturbed by that one. It wasn't the size that mattered - it was the whole - well - 'duppy bat' thing.

I thought to myself - there is a post in this event - I just know it. And then it came to me, the moth are our fears - they fly in suddenly and take route. Every now and again, we overcome them but like the moth; they are there under the surface just waiting to come out until we finally just kill it! Dead.

Perfect post! But then - my father said- NO! That's not it Tanya. Think.

So I thought, but what I came up with made no sense, at least not to me, until I did some reading about moths, and then I smiled at a God who speaks to us through his creation. We will see it, if we look.

Moths are positively phototactic - meaning they automatically move towards light.

I worked at a company that had an all glass showroom, in the mornings I used to come and see dead birds at the door, I felt bad for them. They flew right into the glass and died. Birds see the reflections in the glass, they can't tell the glass is a barrier. I transferred part of that knowledge, albeit wrongly, unto my moth situation. The moth I thought can't even tell that it is flying through someone's window into a house. It must just be directionally challenged. Lost. If it realized, it would never have flown in. Perhaps?

The moth, died, somewhere between all those sprays and hits with my pillow and being thrown through the window - three quarter way dead - for one thing- LIGHT!

Moths, it is believed, fly towards artificial light, not because they are attracted to it but because they use the moon as a navigational source to fly, but artificial light confuses them, so they fly towards it instead. But, I came across this page, that gave a most interesting spin on this theory.

While scientist battle over why moths gravitate towards light, I already know why, and I'm sure, so do you....

John 8:12 says Then spake Jesus unto them saying"I am the light of the world, he who follows me, will not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."

The newest moth navigation theory ( yes, there is a moth navigation theory!) involves a researcher called Henry Hsiao, who studied moths and found that they do not use light as a navigational tool but they head straight towards it and circle it - he doesn't know why. Other scientist believe they circle because they are confused.

John 1:5 And the light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehend it not.

It is now believed that moths fly towards light, as a way to find a place to hide!( Read the full article here)

I can almost fall off my bed laughing with complete joy.  Isn't it Psalms 91 that tells us to abide in the shadow of the Almighty? Isn't it this same Psalm that says we will be delivered from our enemies if we abide in the Almighty? 

The Light.

 The light we should fly towards and circle until we rest right by Him - like the moth?

The moth cannot help but be attracted to light, haha...interestingly, the article said, the moth doesn't fly much when it's a full moon. Why? It's too bright for them! And even the moth knows it can't have all the 'glory' of the Lord, lest it be consumed.

The big question is? Are we attracted to God as the moth is attracted to light?
Do we go everywhere we see God's light and rest there?
Do we just have to have it, even unto death?
Is the moth trying to show us just the way we should live?

Moths, have brains. They sense. They act.

Right now, if I knew that if I go directly towards something I'm attracted to and its possible that I risk death....I'm not going...sorry

but if you ask me to...............

.....go towards a marvelous light, encamp there, build a tent there, and risk death there.......I might still say....sorry...I'm not going.............not because I don't love God but......

I have a family...
I have kids...
I have a nice job...
I'm comfortable here...
I sing on the choir...
I go to bible study....
I'm already in the Women's Auxillary
I feed the homeless...
I visit the prisoners at Christmas...
I'm a good Christian....already though God - why the whole die thing has to come into play?

And that's when you know....

That's when you know if you are ALL in. That's when you know.......if you actually lived to tell the tale or is the only thing left standing the can of insect spray.

My window is closed tonight, but I thank the moth for flying in last evening. No coincidences. I want to be ALL in, for to die in Christ is gain.

How about you?

Readings: John 1

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That moment you realise, He holds the world in the palm of his hand

My daughter was making a planet model for school, and that meant one thing- I had homework! In education circles, we call it 'parental involvement'. Children whose parents are an active participant in their learning process do better in school. It's been proven.

My children always have the best models and projects at school, because their mommy has a creative eye, and has studied Early Childhood Education. My daughter was excited, she already anticipated the best solar system model her classmates had ever seen.

The foam balls were bought, the wires were ready, the base for the sun was firm, the paints were bright and bushy tailed, and the idea to make this model was set. It would be 3d, the sun would rest on wooden stand and the wires would connect the foam balls and then be connect to the sun somehow. We didn't quite work out all the logistics- but we knew it would be epic. My daughter and I.

Turns out our best laid plans went awry. *Queue the wonk wonk soundtrack now*

The sun was painted in gold, and was stuck right down on it's base. The other foam balls were painted and Saturn had its glorious silver and gold rings. We put the wires through all the balls and now it was time for the balls to be assembled for their revolution around the Sun- only that didn't happen. The first ring went around just fine, but as the circles around the Sun got wider, it all started to fall apart; the wire couldn't support the weight, neither could the foam balls and neither could the base. Epic fail.

I was stumped, that has never happened! My daughter was worried. Her project was due the next day. I had no solution. I tried, I really tried.

We had a conversation some days earlier about the planets, I asked,
"Well how do these planets stay up there and not just fall from the sky?"
She laughed at me.
"Mother, she said, in a most pitiful tone, " The gravity of the sun keeps them from falling."
"They spin around so that we can have night and day and seasons too."
I asked her just this- "How come some planets have more than one moon, if the  moon is a reflection of the Sun, and there's only one Sun?"
And how come the Bible says He made 2 great lights, one to rule the day, the lesser light to rule the night but we learn the moon doesn't have it's own light?"

Her pre- tween eyes looked puzzled - she engaged her brain, then said " Well I don't know, we haven't learned that yet!"

Oh! The gravity of it all!

In Jamaica we have a saying " Two heads better than one', which means, if two persons come together to solve a problem, it stands a greater chance of getting solved because the two might have different perspectives and outlooks. In this case - My daughter and I, well, as we say again..'didn't even make one.' We consulted grandma, that was three heads- still nothing!

As I looked at my inadequacy through the failed model, all I could think is

"How great thou art!"

Yes, the model had a design flaw, and someone more technically sound in mind probably could have made it all work out with a wider base and heavier wires, but God- oh but God is a masterful craftsman.

The bible tells me He made all things in the earth, seen and unseen - it never said He tried more than once. He just released a Word and it was done. He needed no do-overs, He needed no consultant. He took no advice.

Isaiah 40 vs. 13-14 says, 'Who hath directed the Spirit of the Lord, or being his counsellor hath taught him? 14. With whom took he counsel, and who instructed him, and taught him in the path of judgment, and taught him knowledge, and shewed to him the way of understanding?

One word answer- nobody!

I needed to write a note to my daughter's teacher, her model would be late while I slept off my disappointment and rethought the concept.

Exactly a week after my daughter's solar model flop, there was a Super moon lunar eclipse; the blood moon, the last on of three this year alone. It just brought everything I had gone through the week before into perspective. I had missed all the other red moons, but this one was spectacular, and the best part, my daughter was actually interested to see it, because she was learning about the planets. Mostly, she was learning what scientists think they know, for much of what is written about the solar system are assumptions. You can read all about what Astronomers think they know here.

As for me and my house, we believe the accounts of Genesis.

The operation of the solar system is fascinating, all the planets orbiting around a gigantic sun, each at their own speed, seemingly held up and around by nothingness. The earth, the third largest of the planets, the only one that supports all life, spins at a tilt, around the Sun, creating night, day and seasons.

The very nature of things reflects the nature of God. He is precise. Orderly. Timely. Methodical. Meticulous. Artistic. Mysterious. Wonderfully Awesome...And at the center of it all. The gravity that holds everything in place. The Son!


 Psalm 24:1 says The earth and the fullness thereof is the Lord's and the fullness thereof; the world and they that dwell within.

One day late, my daughter handed in her solar system model,albeit, totally different from what we both had envisioned. She told me that all her classmates were excited to see her model because they all said, she always brought in the best projects. This time though, it was just okay, but more importantly, we had done it together. My daughter and I.

 

Our model needed not be perfect, perfection was already done!

Related Scriptures: Genesis 1-2, Deuteronomy 10:14


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Photo credit: The blood moon eclipse stages by : Joel Finnigen Photography and you can find his gorgeous work here

The solar system model- can't you already tell, I took that with a camera attached to a phone! - At least I got some light shinning on the sun! How cool am I?

What your shadow teaches you about God's perfect light

I don't like people in my personal space, its a pet peeve.

I claim an arms length - 360°. Stand outside that circle - please; unless I invite you in. 

That's rare.

I smile a lot, a lot- that's not an invitation. I laugh even more- again, not an 

invitation. I'm sociable, approachable, an extroverted introvert - not 

invitations to come into my circle.

I guard my 360°.

I'm not big on hugging.

My family knows, my friends know. My kids, well, they know but they don't really care about my 360° of separation. They get to come in. They are the exception to my stupidity. 
 

Before I even had kids, I started going to a church that hugged. A lot. Hugs were new every Sunday morning. I groaned in anticipation and did the Christian boy dates Christian girl kinna hug...what's that you ask? Well, its that hug where you're so far apart that a train could pass through. You pat each other on the back and smile- toothless. 

Yes, that's how I greeted somebody in Jesus' name. It went on for years, I improved a tad, sometimes, the space could only accommodate a bicycle and the pats on the back became rubs- I tried- it was the best I could do.

I'm not a fan of happy morning people. I roll my eyes at their gleefulness.

I wasn't a big fan of hugging in relationships either, and public displays of affection? Nope, not me. I am that girl that yells-' Get a room!' And those priceless Kodak moments you see at the airports? Where people hug and spin in the air after being apart for a New York minute? Arrmmm...no!

It's not like I don't love or I'm not happy to see a person after a few days or weeks....it's...well...my happiness... is... Internal - yes- my happiness in an introvert.

And ain't nothing wrong with that!

Or is there?

Can you love with 360° of separation?

Psalm 91:1 - He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I was standing on the beach this summer, the sun tanning an X in my back, and I looked down and I was standing on my shadow. I hadn't seen my shadow in a bit, it's been following me around for ages but I just totally forgot about it. Adults lose the novelty and excitement of having a shadow.

But as shadows go, mine brought me to Psalm 91. How very close one has to be to another to be under their shadow!

I realized that I would be invading the Almighty's personal space to be under his shadow and my 360° of separation brought me to introspection. And a little bit of shame.

My mind took me investigating here,(the teacher in me) and I discovered to make a shadow you need just three things. 

1. Light 

2. An object 

3. A surface 

 Pretty simple stuff right?

The science of it is simply this, a shadow is made when an object blocks light- a dark object, the shadow will fall on the side farthest away from the light. If the light is before us the shadow falls behind us, if the light is behind of us, then the shadow falls in front ...you get the picture right? 

Light - the Son - Jesus is the light of the world.(John 8:12)

An object- translucent and opaque - like us...dark...blocks the light.

A surface - earth - let's cast our shadow on that.

A shadow is that bridge. 

There is a 360° coverage of shadow wherever there is light. God's got you covered.Interestingly, the science also reveals that the closer you go towards the light source the bigger the shadow gets,the reverse also true- this speaks volumes. That shadow that Jesus invites you to abide under, envelopes you the closer you are but even IF you aren't as close as you should be, you are still protected. Hope for the non-believer and back-sliders. God says abide under the shadow. Close. Breath to breath. Sharing a secret place. A vulnerable place. Up close and in a personal space.

Jesus knew all about the secret place of the most high, when he was on earth, whenever he was about to start something major, he always separated Himself, prayed and fasted. That's how you abide under the shadow- that's how you claim the protection. He knew. 

Psalm 91 is powerful, filled with promises. I used to read it and think, this could never apply to me, after all, who am I to be applying the same words the devil used to tempt Jesus? 
 

11-12'He will give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways, they shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thee dash thy foot against a stone.' 


Surely, this was written to fulfill Jesus' temptation by the devil only and could never apply to me! Am I to believe that if I abide in the secret place of the most high, under his shadow that he'll give his angels charge over.....me?!

I'll let that marinate overnight, so it can soak to the bones and plump up the flesh.

This is not an invitation for people to invade personal spaces now, its an invitation to examine why we feel like we need barriers between ourselves and God's people.

It's an invitation to examine why we can't love, hug, and give people the protection of an embrace, but demand it of God. Yes, He says nothing can separate us from His love but he also asks us this- how can you love God whom you hath not seen but hate your brother that you do see? We have to get our own humanity in touch and outside of separation.

If you can't be a part of my shadow, do I deserve the shadow of the Almighty?

Recently I heard a preacher say a smile is her overjoyed, over the moon response...its her 'yaay', its the best she can do after a lifetime of abuse. And I got that, I totally understood. I haven't had a lifetime of abuse but many life lessons through disappointments. It's why I have my 360, it was to protect, but overtime, like many man-made solutions- it had the opposite effect. Instead of protecting, it became a barrier. A self made prison of personal space. 


It's a long road back and a lot of cracks for a potter to repair but I think the potter I've got is up to the task, he comes highly recommended... So I'm about ready to relinquish control,

Control of the 360..

But it's not an invitation... Haha...it's more of a soft launch...give me some time and maybe a hug. Soon.

Do you have pet peeves that separates you from God's people?

Scriptures to ponder: Psalm 91, John 8.




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The bird watching sanctuary

It was 5 p.m.

I had settled into what had become my newest pastime- bird watching.

There was that one bird, who everyday at around 5, sat on a branch across the way, as I sat in my own comfort zone having dinner. I just by chance glanced up one day, and there it was, oblivious to how thin the branch was that it so comfortably sat.

It came everyday.

It had become a quiet respite from never ending days of the mundane of life. The drop offs, the picks ups, making breakfast, making dinner, parting fights, combing hair- you know- those things you do when you sign up for motherhood.

For at least 10 minutes, I could drown out all the sounds of kids chatter, and I could make the time at 5, for me. Just me. Just me and the bird that perched on a branch in a tree. It sat on the very top, branches bare, and I could allow myself to think my own thoughts.

Wasn't the bird afraid the branch would break? Why does it come there everyday? Is it resting? Is it waiting? Is it just collecting twigs to build a nest?

After weeks, I didn't really care, it had become my 5 p.m. drink of nature, it had become my bird, my sanctuary. it's funny how you share things with others that give you joy, for I shared it with my family, and they started looking for my bird too; but I do suppose it might have meant something entirely different for them.

'His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.'(Mathew 6:25-26) I let that sit with me for a while. I marinated in it. I rejoiced in this news that the bird that sat in the tree on a branch brought me.

Then the bird that sat, came, no more.

It was 5 p.m.

My bird was late.

Then late turned into absent. Then one day turned into a week. I looked from my favourite place to sit for my favourite respite that came from the sky, and it didn't come.

'Watch your actions, 

They become habits'

I missed my bird that sat. It had become my respite. My little habit. My reminder that God watches over me. But it had left me. 

I looked up everyday, still. Just for the bird. Then I noticed something. The branches that were bare, were no longer so. There were leaves on those branches now, the bird had moved on, the tree had grown new leaves, but...I was still stuck- looking up. 

I accepted that my bird was gone, I sank back into the mundane. I ate. I told children to clear the table. I told children to wash the dishes. I sat- in my comfort zone of a chair. 

That moment when everything around you seems to move on, seasons change, birds like people fly away, and you still don't recognize that it's an indication, no... permission for you to move on also.

For everything, there is a season,(Ecclesiastes 3) you can so easily get stuck in a bird's yesterday.

The bird, never formed a relationship with me, it was doing only what it knew how to do everyday. I made it 'my bird', 'my respite'. I sat while it sat, and I took from it what it was never meant to give- me. 

I sat, and it flew away, it took from me what it was never meant to take but I gave it over, willingly. 

'...And I spent my days
Poured my life without measure
Into a little treasure box
I'd thought I'd found
Until the day when Jesus came to me
And healed my soul...'

Alabaster box

CeCe Winans

 We, like sheep, have gone astray, pouring our life without measure, into little treasures that we have found, giving ourselves over to many devices. We empty ourselves into men. Women. Our homes. Our children. Our jobs.  We get lost in dreams, drugs, food, shopping, birds, all to escape the mundane of life. We often times give ourselves away to people that don't even want us, people that mistreat us and abuse us but life is seasonal. 

I hear my friends on social media complain bitterly about their winter wonderlands, but through shivers, winter coats, boats and frozen nose hairs, it's difficult to remember that Spring is coming. That a new season is merely months away.

About that comfort zone chair- In Jamaica we have a saying ' batty never say get up'. The Jamaican word for 'bottom' is 'batty', this saying means, if you are seated comfortably, you most likely won't want to get up. Birds fly- that's what they do- most of them anyway. Trees lose their leaves in the winter, then by spring, they are in full bloom- this is what trees do. Humans on the other hand, well, they can get stuck. Stuck in places that provide respite,and miss their season. Miss their time to move. You have to know when your season has changed.

Respite in a world of chaos is music to the soul, man knows this, that's why he created massage chairs and spas, but that is temporal. Your Heavenly Father knows this too- that's why He sent Jesus, who says in Mathew 11: 28- 30...

" Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek, and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

It's possible to find rest in 'good things', - nature, birds, saving the planet, exercise and the like. It's  even more possible to find rest in godly things - like church work, evangelism and ministry. It is also entirely possible to get lost in them, to give them more power than they deserve and miss the fact that it is in Him- Jesus- that you should find rest, it is in Him that you should lay your burdens down, it is in Him that you escape from life's mundane tasks.

If you are giving the good and godly things 10 minutes of everyday,I am by no means suggesting that you stop, just don't forget to give him more, don't forget that the Creator is greater than the created- Always.

I look up occasionally on the tree, I see its leaves, I see no bird. Then I gaze at the bluest sky, decorated by the whitest cotton candy clouds, and I smile and whisper - lesson learned.

Words to Alabaster box by CeCe Winans taken from www.azlyrics.com

How to grow luck in a blue and white plate

Many years ago a friend and I went into a Plant store, we were buying a plant for my mother's birthday, an orchid if I remember clearly, she loves orchids! Whilst we were there, the owner of the store pointed us in the direction of a plant, she said..'oh you girls can get this one also- it's a Chinese lucky bamboo, it will bring you luck!' Since luck was apparently in short supply, I decided I might as well grow it. The 'lucky' bamboo was sitting in a little blue and white plate. I looked curiously at the plate and she read my mind. 'Yes, you can keep it in that, just water it every other day, and if you keep it in that plate, it won't really grow very big or anything.- perfect house plant.'

So we set off, with an orchid and growing luck in a blue and white plate.

Now, as much as I tried to grow luck, it soon started to look very unlucky. Hapless. Sad. Half-dead. I was managing, quite successfully I might add, to kill a plant with the name 'lucky.' I wasn't quite sure if killing a lucky bamboo would bring me seven years worth of bad luck or the plant was just unlucky to end up with me, who up to this point was only successful in growing hips! I probably would go with the latter.

A few months later, we had a hurricane in Jamaica, I don't quite remember the name of it but it was strong enough to bring down a Lime tree we had in the back yard, which left, well...a hole in the ground and an idea in my heart.

I took my half dead un-'lucky' bamboo plant and without any kind of fanfare, stuck it into the hole left vacant by storm force winds. It thrived, it grew and now it's more than 6 feet tall.

Sometimes, things have to uprooted for a better thing to grow.

Attempts were made to control the height of the tree but wherever there was pruning, there was new growth, there was no stopping this here lucky bamboo. It soon had shoots all over its base, and then Nature spoke to me.


John 15, 2-5: 'Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.3Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.4Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.5I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.'

The Lucky Bamboo said:

I was a baby living on luck, the hope that someone would water me, put me in the perfect light, perfect temperature , perfect container. I was at the mercy of luck. I sat in a blue and white exotic looking plate, and there I did wait, for the girl that only grew hips, with well intentioned lips, that spoke of how despite her efforts, I look like I was sure to die.

The Hurricane said: 

I am merely passing by, Meteorologists chart my course, on my journey from coast to coast. It is not my intention to kill, but to do what is God's will. I will uproot, I will fill, I will water, I will send chills down spines, I will be a farmer's nightmare and a Store owners' thrill.

The Lime tree said:

This is it. I am dead. 

 My Heart said:

My heart from which everything flows, thought, I wonder what the future holds- will this Lime tree grow back, even through its heart breaking crack? The lucky bamboo is almost dead, so I might as well plant it in the Lime tree's stead. 

And the Lord said:

There is no need for luck when you are planted in me, for though you were dead and dying, in me you will have life, and life more abundantly. You will be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that bears fruit in its season. Those that be planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God.

I say:

Look around, look up, look down, where are you planted? Are you at the mercy of others? Uproot some things, even though your heart might break. Plant new things, things in and around you that you or others gave up for dead. There is no need for a farming degree, just a will to be free. Don't buy fertilizer, don't go around searching for water, just abide in Him and watch yourself grow like the Cedar in Lebanon.

I am curious just to see how tall this tree will become; interestingly, remembering its original size, my mind would never have allowed itself to imagine what it has now become (it is now over 6 feet tall) - and isn't that a glorious outcome?

Ephesians 3:20 - Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us...

 

Leaving the shell behind

Leaving your shell behind

I like nature but I wouldn't describe myself as a naturalist. What I love about nature are the colours. I dream in colour. What I love about nature are the  shapes, forms, lines, curves, textures. I like the mystery of nature. I like the awesomeness of it. I like what even the very elements of nature do to the things of nature. I often sit and let my imagination roam through the mind of the Creator of all things natural, how he created everything - so- good!(Genesis 1)

I don't like every about nature, I was talking to a friend recently about seahorses, she said 'well did you know the males are the ones who carry the young?' Then the picture came with the teeny tiny seahorses coming out of the father's tummy! I was grossed out to say the least! I don't know why I was so disturbed by it, but it haunted me for days- crazy huh? But I think I know why now, just now, because of my trip to the beach.

Summer is beach going season, but when you live where others vacation, any day above ground is a beach day. This particular day was Independence day, and Jamaica was officially 53, and the family and I were beaching it up and I wandered upon some shells, and Nature spoke to me.

2 Corinthians 5:17: 'Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away: behold, all things become new.' 

There was once a slimy little created being living in the shell, the fact that the shell was now on the beach, among the stones, simply meant it had died. Probably eaten by its own kind, or a cousins that it shared company with in the sea. The remains of its life carried in by the tide, as evidence that it once lived.

There is a sweet song and dance of hard covering soft, gliding in a symbiotic ballet. Lifting. Protecting. Completing. But what do you do when only hard remains?

Life can play cruel games with our soft parts. The snail, as it grows, knows, it needs its shell to do the same, so it seeks calcium to reinforce itself and builds out and around its hard outer shell; it's instinctively protecting itself.  Humans however, are not snails, for the more we cover our soft parts with hard things, the balance changes; the relationship of hard and soft becomes parasitic and we begin to die. Our humanity shows less, there is no soft to touch the hard of the world, no soft for a people, a child, a husband, a life. What's left is hard beating against hard, everyone being battered by the tide.

The world has become an increasingly hard place, survival of the fittest, the hardest; soft has no place in the harsh realities of a world that requires hard but hard places are never comfortable places to fall. Love is soft. Love suffocates when covered by hard. Love needs a soft place to fall and so do all of us.

Snails sometimes loses its shell, its soft exposed, it becomes vulnerable to predators and the natural elements, it soon dies but as I said before, we are not snails. When we lose our hard, when we leave the hard exterior of hurt, disappointment, hopelessness, pain, betrayal, and sadness behind, we do not die. We live! We become new creatures, our old shells that were washed up by the tide becomes our testimony of God's saving grace and ALL things become new.

 Which brings me to the seahorse, I will take comfort in the fact that a nine year old somewhere in the world still doesn't know that the male seahorse gives birth (and hope that 9 year olds across the world aren't insulted). A male seahorse giving birth seemed unnatural, it didn't make sense; it challenged my intellect (as shoddy as this 'discovery' make it seem), how could a male give birth? but its true and it happens everyday even though it makes no sense to me.

Lay down the shell, let go of the hard and become soft, vulnerable; made no sense to me and frankly, it's a bit scary, but I tried it and it was such a relief when soft touched soft. I'm a work in progress; it isn't a magic bullet but it works.

I took the shells home, they are beautiful to look at, the shape and the colours fascinate me. My hard was taken by the waters that gently caressed my feet as I watched my family having fun on the beach.



What will you do with your shell? I challenge you to lay it down.

The Things I see in Nature

It's mango season in Jamaica

There is a popular folk song in Jamaica called 'Mango Time', a line from it goes like this "Mi nuh drink coffee tea, mango time- care how nice it may be-mango time,' translated it simply means, when its mango season, all one wants is mangoes, not even your coffee or tea, regardless of how nice it is. I love mangoes and I have the scar to prove it. In high school, a friend and I were standing under a mango tree when one fell and there was a mad dash to pick it up! I sped off and crashed and burned on my knees-mango-less! Now one would think after that any self respecting 'friend' would concede and give me the mango right? Wrong! I was left with a bleeding knee, mango-less and embarrassed by her laughter ringing in my ear.

Did I mention I loved mangoes? Well years later I couldn't eat mangoes, I just couldn't digest it anymore, I agonized as I watched people enjoying my favourites- East Indian and Julie, I would often force myself to eat it to later suffer the consequences of serious tummy aches. BUT THEN...as mysteriously as the intolerance came, it went and I was back to my mango eating ways and I was a happy camper again. The other day, I was standing under a mango tree much like the one in the photo, laden with mangoes, as well as many rotting on the ground and what came to me was, well...insightful..I thought I would share- THE THINGS I SEE IN NATURE.

Luke 10:2 - Therefore He said unto them, The harvest truly is great, but the labourers are few:  pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest.

I was in my auntie's yard, she had three huge mango trees, East Indian, Julie and Blackie...my three all time favourites; she only ate East Indian, no one else in the house ate mangoes- people that don't eat mangoes!- they do exist! There were many many mangoes, the branches were full, the ground was full of those that had fallen plop, there were some in plastic bags that were rotting, some on the trees that birds and bats had half eaten and well the mangoes that were 'turn' and the ones that were green. And it hit me- the harvest is ripe but the labourers are few- indeed. I broke it down like this.

The mangoes represent the people of the world that are 'ripe', ready for the 'harvesting', ready for someone to tell them about Jesus's saving grace.

The people that don't eat mangoes (craziness!) are the harvesters who don't follow the great commission (Mathew 28, 16-20) or those that do not evangelize to certain people- 'drug addicts, prostitutes et al'

The mangoes that are half eaten by bats and birds:- There is nothing worse than when you see a nice ripe juicy looking mango on a tree, go to pick it (if you climbed the tree) or bring it down with a stick and realize- its half eaten on one side- totally inedible! Do you know what is the next immediate action? Yes, you swiftly drop it! These mangoes are many of us, who look so good on one side, all meticulously crafted to perfection but close up, there is a part of us that is eaten away by birds (Satan) or a part of us that we allow bitterness, and unforgiveness to eat away. Usually when people see this side of us, they throw us away or swiftly leave.

The mangoes that fall on the ground under the tree are ready for the 'eating', they have a soft spot where they fell, but still, they are basically good and receptive of the word, and they save you the trouble of having to get a stick or having to climb the tree. These are friends, family, church members, you and me.

The mangoes that stay on the ground till they rot and were placed in bags, are the ones that we discard as 'unreachable.' They are so far into the despair of sin that a way out for them seems impossible- to us!

The turn mangoes as we call them are those that are not yet ripe but not green, these can still be eaten, and if you are of Indian descent, well these are perfect, especially if you like 'chow' (an Indian dish where fruits are seasoned with peppers and spices). If you pick these mangoes, they will still ripen, so you can still plant a seed in them and in time they will bear fruit.

The green mangoes are not ready to hear the word, but say it still!

My auntie often calls when she has an abundance of mangoes, she gives away as many as she can, but the crop is just too many for her, but what if there were many harvesters?  What if we, the people of God followed our calling to reach one of these 'mango types?' Green, turn, half eaten, fallen and rotting? What if we went out to harvest for such a time as this? (Esther 4, 13-14)

Acts 2:17
And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God," I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams"


Does nature speak to you? Share with us what it says to you.