Passion or purpose?

Passion or purpose? 

It's hard to navigate this life as an adult - 'adulting' is hard! And I feel like the universe tricked me into becoming one. But nevertheless - I must soldier on. 

I have been learning a lot lately and I have really been trying to understand my life's journey. I have conversations with friends and with God often about what my purpose is. I scroll through social media and I am bombarded by the many podcasts, clips, conferences and posts about living your purpose and by extension- 'your best life' and many times it leaves me feeling a bit- well- inadequate.

It seems as if everyone is living that 'purpose driven life' except me! 

"Find what you are passionate about" they say.

"Do what you are passionate about and you will never have to work a day in your life!" 

"Find your purpose" and the universe will unfold itself to you.

These statements have become very popular in our culture lately so I wanted to take a little peep into the passion / purpose mentality.

I like that word 'passion' It seems intense, exciting and energizing. There are a few things I am passionate about, my job, my children, creating learning tools for my classroom are just a few. I will spend hours on end creating tools for my classroom and have been known to burn dinner because I was so wrapped up with making something I totally forgot I was cooking. If I am to follow the 'passion' guide, creating learning tools could be something that I could happily do for the rest of my life! This kind of passion can also be monetized and that could lead to me living my best life too. Passion, this tangible that can get you on your life's path does have a flip side though.

I'm passionate about writing, yet, I haven't written a single word on here since January! I think about writing all the time, and am subscribed to so many newsletters from writers,I have read so many blog posts but still that passion hasn't translated into anything remotely meaningful. Maybe my passion has waned and it just needs a new course or an amazing motivational speaker to get things kick started again? What do you think?

The truth is - Passion lies. 

Passion is controlled by emotions. Emotions? well they are a fickle thing. 

Passion is a feeling, an emotion, a strong will to do something that drives you. As long as emotions are at the heart of a thing, we must step back and examine that very thing. Emotions are wrapped up in self.

For an art course, I interviewed a well known Jamaican painter, I asked him - 'how do you get the drive to paint so many things?' His response - 'I wake up and I don't want to always finish what I start but then I remember that I have a family to feed, and so I do what I must.' Passion? His passion to provide for his family was greater than the passion that started his creative works. Both, however feelings of duty. Duty to self, duty to family.

So if passion is a liar -what of purpose?

As for finding purpose? I didn't even know it was lost. Let's be honest - at some point in one's life they will question their true purpose on the planet. What am I here for? Why was I created? What meaningful thing should I be doing to impact the world?

How does one seek out that which is seemingly lost? Send a search party? Call in the coast guard? Ask family and friends? Search within? Go on a retreat? Do meditation and yoga? I don't know either - I never professed to know anything. But I do know someone who does.

All the years I thought God forgot to make Eve, I always felt like she was an after thought until I recognized that God had that intention all along. He just wanted Adam to equally recognize that he needed someone too.  It was not until Adam was actively doing something that he recognized that he was indeed one of a kind and that is when God created his Eve.

It's interesting to note that in Genesis 2 vs 19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof   that the Lord brought the animals to Adam, he was helping Adam fulfill his purpose. Adam could have easily walked the garden and do his animal inventory and namely by himself; but God was very intentional in the way this purpose was achieved - together.  Adam didn't have to go searching for his purpose and neither do you.

That same God that helped Adam, is the same God we serve today.We don't need  a 'discovery call' or to do a course on Udemy. Our purpose has already been given to us. We need to be in union with our maker and the best thing is - he will help us to do the work - not do it for us though!

We have to do the work - Listen, scientist say there are 1.2 million known species of animals on the planet - known! Adam had a lot of work to do and when we read the bible, we tend not to place it in its proper time context - this whole animal naming purpose of Adam probably took years. And he had to be original too, with zero duplication - just wow!

Purpose takes the same amount of work that passion does - the difference is purpose is God given and passion is self driven.

So that seemingly elusive purpose that so many seek, how does it reveal itself to us? Live in the presence of God. Walk and talk with him in the cool of the day and follow his command to be fruitful, replenish the earth and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth (Genesis 1 vs. 28).

Can I be frank, knowing ones purpose doesn't mean that we will live it out, just like being passionate about something means that we are going to do it. Living  a God given purpose requires trust, love, faith and total obedience. Purpose carries responsibilities that one might not be prepared for and that is one reason we don't go searching for it, we are made to discover it when we are uniquely ready to take it on. The Lord must prepare us as he did Adam, helping and guiding on the way. 

 How can we be sure we are in purpose or passion? The truth is we can be passionate about something and that is not what the Lord would have us do to reach the lost.  We can be passionate about medical advocacy or feeding the homeless or teaching, all good things, yet, it might not be your God given purpose. It might just be something you became deeply enthralled in because of a life experience or a goal you had as a child. That thing you are passionate about is not necessarily that gift that will make room for you. 

Passion can mimick purpose so closely that it might be hard to decipher between the two.

Passion wants to help people too

Passion makes you do the work as well

Passion drives you daily
Passion needs sacrifice

Passion feels optimistic all the time

Passion can bring fruitfulness and growth in many areas

Passion can take you many places - infront of kings even

Passion can seem innate 

Passion has imposter syndrome too

How do you know for sure you are walking in God's purpose for your life? I don't think that you can ever be 100% sure but I do know that if you are in communion with him, it will become clearer when you actually begin.

That purpose thing - it requires real sacrifice. I don't want to do it sacrifice

That purpose thing - it requires time and communion with God.

That purpose thing - it requires faith

That purpose thing - at the heart of it is love

That purpose thing - it requires a trust, not in self or your innate abilities but a trust so big, it's scary

That purpose thing - it requires work

That purpose thing - it requires a vision so much bigger than yourself

That purpose thing - it requires fasting, prayer and action

That purpose thing - it requires you to do a thing without knowing what the next thing to do is

That purpose thing - it is hard and it is scary.

Not every one is passionate about a thing but every one was created with purpose. Everyone. Stop searching for your purpose. Simply ask God to reveal it to you and then move at it purposefully.

I write not out of passion, I think I did at first, but now I must write out of purpose.

Share how you will commune with God to reveal his purpose for your life

Jeremiah 29:11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.


you may also like: this post on fear
or this one on faith

Jesus loves you, regardless of the state you are in

I had another chance encounter with a homeless man, this time, I had choices; I chose to park by him and his dog. I didn't pray for the car this time - I just went ahead and bought him lunch.

God works on our hearts in mysterious little ways.

As I stood with the bag in my hand, a lady was to my left, a man in his car to my right; unwanted spectators in my moment of insecurity. I waited, I hesitated. I let my mind wander into those of my spectators. Their voices sounded very much like my own.

'Why would you give him food?'
' He's probably a drug addict!'
' It's his own fault why he's here in this state'
' You are being an enabler.'

In a moment, a voice cried out softly and said, ' it doesn't matter why he's here, your job is not to judge him but to help him.' ' You were once found wanting too, but I still loved you.'

With that, I handed over the bag with just a ' Sir, sir...here.' He barely looked me in the face, but he did say thank you. He didn't look in the bag, he put it beside him. He went back into his world. I didn't get the gratification I think I wanted for my good deed.

God, has ways, of working on your heart.

In that split second before I handed over my obedience to this man, I thought of what I should say. I ended up saying..Sir...Sir...here; I pondered saying Jesus loves you. I didn't.

Why?....because I saw a man blackened with dirt, filled with metal rings on his fingers, hanging unto a dog on a leash and thought...in a split second...hearing the words 'Jesus loves you' wouldn't mean a thing!

In a split second, I thought, that the good news that Jesus loves us, would mean nothing to a person in their lowest state. In a split second, I thought hearing about the love of God would have no bearing on a man who no one saw, who people avoided, who the world 'justifiably'ignored. How would hearing that Jesus loved him make a difference to him?

Jesus, he works on hearts, in mysterious ways.

I drove away, again, having this time delivered food but not the bread of life. I felt like I failed again. How could a self proclaimed Christian not think that the good news is worth sharing to anyone at anytime under any circumstances?

I thought about my choice for a while, it rested on me like a cross too heavy to bear alone. It dawned on me that my choice is what  so many make on a daily basis. How we complicate the simplicity of Jesus' love! How we over think what Jesus can do and inflate what we do. Jesus never asked us to save anyone. He just asked us to be messengers.
We need only to be on one accord with what Jesus came to do...save us..love us.....first.

I made up in my mind, in only a split second, that hearing that 'Jesus loves you'  would have zero bearing on a man that was living on the streets, how could he? If Jesus loved him, wouldn't he be with family and friends? Would Jesus love him homeless?....I knew he would think these things if I told him these three words...I withheld. I over reached, over stepped, over thought, and made the love of God small enough to fit into ' my own understanding.'

Jesus, changes hearts. He's changing mine with not so chance encounters.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, his wonders to behold, I don't know what he's up to, but I know he's up to something. I trust his heart. I trust my heart in his hands.

That simple sentence, 'Jesus loves you ' it carries weight, heavy enough to stand on its own yet simple enough that it needs no further explanation. It just is.

And isn't the love of Jesus something wonderful? That love that boldly bore my sins and yours. That love that stood unashamed betwixt two thieves. That love that has the holes in hands to prove to all the doubters that it is real. That love that reaches us from our earthly graves. That loves that does not care about our station in life. That love that rescues the perishing and cares for the dying. That love that's says..I loved you first. That love that calls us friend. That love that calls us heirs. That love that invites us All in. That's the love that we must share.

Share it often. Share it everywhere.

One space left- a lesson in obedience

It was the only parking spot left. It was right near an iron post in a corner, I wasn't positioned to drive in seamlessly. I would have to reverse. On reversing, there he was. A young man in old clothes, with plastic bags by his side filled with what looked like clothes. He looked newly homeless, despondent. I looked around the parking lot, hoping to see a reverse light or any indication that another space was becoming available. No such luck! I hesitantly drove in, beside him.

The car on my left was still running, as I looked over, I read the driver's eyes - it said- are you seriously going to park there beside him?! I held my head down wondering how his eyes had read my mind. I glanced over at the young man, I whispered a prayer - for the car! I said to my God, 'Lord, please don't let this guy do any harm to this car.' After, I said a prayer for the human, I said - 'Oh and Lord, help him', or something to that effect. I got out the car sheepishly, I tried not to look at him, thinking I was being nice by not staring. The man in the car to the left, I saw his eyes again...it read my mind..again...'are you seriously leaving your car beside him?'

I stood in the line, it was longer than I was comfortable with, I was getting a patty for my mummy. A few weeks before she had said, "I would eat a patty from a sore foot man!" That's a phrase only a Jamaican would probably understand, it simply means, she wanted a patty, very badly, even from someone that would seemingly be unclean! I was being the 'good' daughter, I was getting her her heart's desire.

As slowly as the line moved, my thoughts raced, thinking about the man by the car. I wanted to move the car badly. Then a thought came into my head that quietly whispered, "Get a patty for him too." My mind hesitated. Then I said okay. Another whisper, "Get him something to drink too." Hesitation, then I said okay. I knew who was whispering. I ordered. With patty, drinks and change in hand, I walked back to the car. The whisper said- "Give him the change too." I am on a very strict budget, I wanted my change, I shook my head in the negative, I argued, then I decided to obey. On my short walk back to the car, which felt like an eternity, I had a few conversations with myself.

It is funny how a patty, a drink and change can make you adjust your thinking. I no longer thought about damage to the car, now I thought about damage to my ego. How would I approach him? What would I say? What if he rejects me? What will the man on the left say to me with his eyes? Should I tell him that God said to give it to him? Should I say I'm a Christian and I just wanted to help? I shook my thoughts quiet, and just decided that I would say whatever came to my mind. I stepped to the side of the car.

The young man, the young man that had the plastic bags of clothes. The young man in the old clothes that I feared parking beside. That young man that I had prayed for after I had prayed for a car. That young man- was gone!

The young man and his bags were gone, and I stood in the parking lot holding the bag. I looked around, I hadn't been gone that long, I made a 360. He was nowhere in sight. He seemingly had disappeared. I sighed. The man to the left was still there, this time, his eyes didn't reveal my mind. I opened the car door and sat. Still. I felt defeated, un-redeemed. Then I said to God - "well what exactly was the point of that?" "Why exactly would you let me do all of that for this young man to just disappear?" I didn't get the point.

As I drove away, I still looked, I wanted to give him the food, I wanted to have him feel like someone cared, I wanted to 'save' him by this one gesture but most of all, I wanted to redeem myself! I didn't want to be the girl who drove in a parking lot and parked beside a homeless person and prayed about my car- first! I didn't want to be the Christian girl who prayed for people in need when it was in my capacity to help them. I didn't want to be that Christian girl who didn't show kindness to strangers. I wanted to not feel shallow.

I didn't see him. I drove home. Mummy got two patties and a drink that day.

I related the story to a blogger friend, she remarked that it was a great story. I couldn't see it. She said, that is a remarkable story on obedience. She then asked, if that were to happen to you again- would you react differently? Would you hesitate as much? Or would you just be obedient immediately?

I believe, in all sincerity that I would be more compassionate; my thoughts would not mirror the man on the left, and I probably would have less hesitation to help a fellow human being. I didn't see the lesson at the time, but I thank God for the experience. Now- I look around for people just like him.

I want to be a Christian girl who gives as lead by the spirit.
I want to be a Christian girl who values people's souls
I want to be a Christian girl who sees people like Jesus sees them
I want to be a Christian girl who prays for people and not things
I want to be a Christian girl who doesn't care what the world thinks about her actions
I want to be a Christian girl who does what she is lead to do, even if she doesn't want to do it.
I want to be a Christian girl.

And God, He is wise. If I had gotten to deliver that bag, I might have thought of myself as 'good', I might have done like the many persons on social media, who post pictures and write long posts how they were lead to buy food for homeless people. I might have blown my own trumpet. I thought about those people as I walked over to the car with the bag. I said to myself, I won't take a picture though. We have to be careful in doing the right things, that we have the right motives. Less we think of ourselves as 'good.'


There was only one space left in the parking lot, I got it, right beside a homeless young man, I didn't want to park there. There was only one space left, Jesus, got it, in the midst of two thieves. He asked that the cup be passed from him, yet he said, thy will be done!

So I say, whatever the lesson, whatever the reason for my experience that day, thy will be done.