Thursday, 16 August 2018

What to do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to

Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace - How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, 
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now - I see.." - John Newton

This song, often sung at funerals in Jamaica, captures how I and many others view the grace of God. I have been watching Pastor Micheal Todd's series entitled 'Grace like a flood' where he examines God's grace - simply defined as the 'unmerited undeserved unearned kindness and favour of God' it's an excellent series- you can watch all nine parts here. It has changed my understanding and perspective on grace.

I have commitment issues.
I have issues with consistency.
I have issues being committed to this thing I need to be committed to.
I question myself.daily.
I question God.
I apologize to God.Often.
I ask his forgiveness for not being committed to this thing I need to be  committed to.
As I do this thing, I do not know if it is the thing I am called to do.
I ponder if writing is God's purpose for my life.

So what do you do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Do it anyways! 

Do it until you are instructed to do otherwise
Do it while you pray for direction.
Do it until an answer comes.
Have the courage to move even in your uncertainty.

I haven't written on this blog in so long, that coming on here feels like a betrayal of sorts; I fumbled around trying to figure out the landscape that I had grown so accustomed.
I have betrayed my talent.
I have betrayed my stories.
I have betrayed my readers.
I have betrayed the reason I first put black on white.
I have betrayed my God.

The sole purpose of your talent is to use it for God's glory. It must be multiplied.

1 Peter 4:10-1110 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

The longer I stayed away from that thing I wasn't committed to, was the harder it was to find my way back and the harder it is now to find my words and redirection.
Every time I decided not to write another story, I told a lie on GRACE
I believed God's grace was not sufficient for me. 
I believed his grace didn't cover my disobedience.
I believed his grace wouldn't forgive me for my inconsistency.
I believed I didn't earn His Grace.
I believed a lie.

It has been more than a year since I have written here and my life has changed significantly! My family had a 'suddenly' happen. Whenever there is a 'suddenly' in the Bible - things are going to change - immediately. 
There is no hit like the one you don't see coming - Micheal Todd - truer words have never been spoken. That 'suddenly', surprise hit - it knocks you out cold!

But God.

His GRACE abounds.

God is good.
God is kind.
God is gracious
God is ALL you need when the storms of life knock you down.
Grace - like a flood.

What do you do when you aren't committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Accept God's Grace.
Accept that you can't disappoint God - He already knew you would struggle in the things He has assigned you to - that's why He gives you that grace like a flood.

I thought I wasn't worthy because I wasn't standing where God had left me.
I thought I wasn't worthy enough to write words that people would read about a God that I thought was upset with me. A God I wasn't in fellowship with as I ought to be. 
I rejected his love. I rejected that my sins were covered. I never understood his love. I did not fully understand Romans 8 - that there is nothing that can separate me from God's love - not even me and my unwillingness to commit and serve him.

I hid like Adam.
I hid like Eve.
I hid like Jonah.
I cast my words into the sea.


Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!

Amazing Grace that doesn't condemn. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit" - Romans 8 vs.1
Amazing Grace that invites my words.
Amazing Grace that gently guided my hand over black tiles with white letters.

What do you do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Renew your commitment by renewing your mind.

I must now re connect with God and accept His unwavering Grace and renew my mind by recommitting to the study of His word. Rebirth and renewal must be at the heart of it all.

Grace is not that far off thing that I access when I fail, when I am overwhelmed, when I am despondent - no- grace is all encapsulating. It surrounds me.always. It is mine to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, when I am obedient and disobedient, when I imagine myself worthy or unworthy, whether I think I need it or not- It is there. I reach out my hands and grab grace and it empowers me- Grace like a flood!

What is that thing that you need to become recommitted to?

Much love and blessings

Sunday, 1 January 2017

When hoarding becomes a thing - how to let go

I've been like that spoilt child you see in the store. That one that throws himself on the floor, kicking and screaming because he isn't getting his way. I decided I was not to be moved. So I kinda stopped writing. I just wanted to write what came to mind, God wanted to do something decidedly different. I threw a tantrum but I never ever learn...God...well...he always wins.

Funny, when you find yourself outside of the will of God..things go awry. God and I haven't spoken that much, I haven't spent as much time with him as I should. I was throwing a tantrum you see. And God was looking down at me like those embarrassed parents do. He wasn't arguing or reasoning with me though; he was just waiting on me to stop and get back up.

So what's that new direction?

He wants me to compare things. Compare things?... Exactly! Not just his word with the world. I did not want to do that, I thought it slightly redundant. Everybody knows that the Word of God is in contradiction to the why should I write about that? Plus..that really would take up many more hours in study than I believe I have the time… I wasn't doing that!

The more I stood in opposition to his leading is the less I wrote; it was the less I felt compelled to write, even though I constantly thought about writing on this blog.
Tantrums make eyes wet, ears hardened and mouths loud.
Tantrums make writing difficult.

I needed to write. It haunted me. I do suppose Jonah felt like this as he bunkered down on that ship, running in place, haunted by God's words. He said..throw me overboard and the storm will stop. I would rather perish than be obedient.

Obedience is better than sacrifice.

I relent. I know not what he does but he will have his way in me and I write about the things I see in his word vs. the world.

And so it begins.

I consider myself the creative type, I like to make charts for my class, and teaching allows me to express myself that way. So whenever I go somewhere and see things..I take them home. I saw a meme on Facebook recently that read..” I collect things and will keep them, just in case I'll use them in the next 462 years.”...I laughed so hard, cause..that was so me. I'm a hoarder.

I don't much like the term ‘ hoarder', it sounds kind of vulgar, makes it sound like a bad thing almost. So I prefer to say, I collect things that I just know I can use someday, and when that idea comes to me how to use that ‘ thing' I feel completely justified with my 'collection’ habit. I also hang on to other things too, like empty bottles that I'm sure I will use, and old note books from high school, college and university, old clothes that I am certain will fit when I lose that 30 or so pounds and I even have a collection of markers that don't write anymore. But, don't, please do not get me confused with those persons you see on that TV show whose houses are so filled with 'stuff’ that they can't even move freely. No, I'm not there. I'm a collector, they are hoarders. The things I keep actually have some use and will come in handy as soon as my ideas kick in!

There are a few times a year that I actually do some kind of ‘ spring cleaning' and throw some of the things away, reluctantly so, but when I do, there is such a sense of relief, but I really only throw those things out to make way for some new 'collectibles’, if I am to be totally honest.

So, when I had to look at comparisons, I had to take a hard look at me.

Collecting things that you might have use for in the future does a thing to your present.

Our world tells us we always are in need of more 'stuff’, it promotes a DIY culture that justifies ‘collecting’ habits.
Our world tells us to hold onto things for nostalgic reasons.
Our world tells us to have ‘ treasures’ right here on earth, after all, we deserve it.  
Our world tells us to hold onto our past, for if we let it go, we will be somehow disconnected from who we are.

We must hoard, I mean...collect.things.

Yes, Jesus wanted me to compare things. I had hoped it was things that I saw in the world and not things that I actually did. Mirror to face!

Hoarding does this one thing. It says God's blessings and provisions are not new.every.morning.
It says,

I do not want to tell that lie.

The Lord is my portion saith my soul; therefore, I shall hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:24

As simple as it is, if I collect things in hopes of using them for my ‘greatest idea ever’, it is saying to my God that he won't supply my needs according to his riches in glory in that moment. If all good things come from Him, including ‘great ideas’ why wouldn't he provide all the things needed?... He never does half a job..does He?

Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God.” Philippians 4:6

It is saying that I am self sufficient, a forward thinker even, I have saved something for my present from my past. How cool am I right?

The thing about physical hoarding is it also gives way to spiritual hoarding.
The things we keep in our spirits because we can't let them go. Hoarding.
That pain we keep, that doesn't allow us to forgive. Hoarding.
That mountain top moment we relish that doesn't allow us to climb higher. Hoarding. That one time when we were able to complete a fast but get stuck in that glory moment that we don't do another.Hoarding. That time when we allow our fears to cripple us because we gave in to the enemy. Hoarding.
We inadvertently keep things that we should let go of in order to grow.

Do you know what keeping empty bottles and papers and just stuff does? It prevents you from getting the things you actually need. Mentally, you are telling yourself you actually have that thing already, when all you have are empty bottles, papers with holes and a whole lot of useless stuff.

But some of us like the illusion of having lots of stuff.

For the world tells us that the more ‘ 'stuff' we collect or have, is the more successful we are. So imagine, going through your own home, and throwing out all the empties, all the paper, all the clothes that don't fit, all the old letters from boyfriend's past, all the things in the garage that you haven't used in a year. Just imagine, for a moment how many bags and bags of ‘stuff' you would have...that was just nothing but garbage!

Now..look..forward, at the seemingly emptiness that remains. Scary isn't it? Now you realise that where you thought you had ten bottles of perfume, you have one. Where you thought you had learning resources you could fall back on just in case the internet dies.. have nothing. Where you thought you had a closet filled with clothes, you actually have about four solid outfits. Where you thought you had a working grill, you have an old rusty tin pan. Where you thought you were keeping boyfriend memories, you were actually closing off yourself from being truly loved by someone else.

Do you feel the emptiness? Is it a good feeling? Do you feel now the need to replace the emptiness with more ‘stuff’?

You already have all you need right in that moment, right in that empty place.

God can fill empty cups to the point of  overflow….

….. but if the cup is already overflowing with your 'stuff’...wherewith shall it be filled?

I am by no means promoting a minimalist lifestyle, having less 'stuff’ doesn't automatically mean you have more God.

I am just asking us to let our lives, homes, hearts, minds, tongues be filled with more God. If you are going to hoard, hoard some more of him. He can fill empty vessels, not ones full and overflowing with the stuff of this world.

If you have fallen victim to that hoarding culture, where you need all the things for yourself, there's a huge chance, you aren't giving as much as you could or should. As Christians, we are called to give.

I recently saw some videos of door buster sales on black Friday, I saw people trampling, fighting and running into stores in order to fill the need for more stuff, that more than likely, they don't need. It struck me as so sad, the day after ‘ giving thanks’ for all that we had to the person that gives us all good gifts- people still felt the urge to trample over feet to get that one.more.thing. when will it ever be enough? Will we ever have enough? What will quench the need for more?

So comparison lessons #1.

  1. Do not hoard stuff for future use- God is in your future, He already has the things you will need.
  2. Hoarding tells God his blessings aren't sufficient for you
  3. DIY culture says you don't need God because you they say do it yourself
  4. Do not fill your life with more stuff...fill your life with more God
  5. Physical hoarding can easily give way to spiritual hoarding
  6. Let go and let God.

And what's the point of hoarding anyways? If the owner of the house knew when the thief was going to come, he would have stood watch. We never can know just when the thief will come to take away All the things we have collected over the years.

That 'collection’ habit I have….that hoarding habit I have, I am slowly speaking to it, every time I see something I'm sure I'll need…. I bin it and then I smile - just a little. Learning = change.


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Friday, 14 October 2016

The 'puzzling' truth about God's plans

It has been the best of times; its been the worst of times. It's been a long time. Thirteen weeks, at least that's what my blog tells me. In those thirteen weeks, I thought about writing

Why didn't I?

A lot has happened, and because I have been away so long, it's hard to know just where to begin. My sister has been insisting I write a praise report on God's goodness towards my oldest daughter, so I will do just that.

That seems a good place to begin.

I call it .. The great puzzle.

 My youngest daughter likes to do puzzles; me?.... Not so much! I don't like to sit in one place too long, I don't like to look for the pieces and make them fit just right, I don't find it at all relaxing, and to top it off, I'm not very good at it. I remember as a child when I used to visit my late aunt's house, she would have those 1000 piece puzzles. Many times they would be in a state of 'un done' and a few weeks later 'all done' and displayed on a center table with a vase on it. I didn't give it much thought then but that must have been a true labour of love. Me? they say...' I ain't got time for that!'

I don't like 'puzzling' as my daughter calls it, but I often attempt it and end of uniquely frustrated.

A few years ago life got 'puzzling'. My daughter had to stop going to private school. It was no longer affordable, she had to be sent to public school and it was a difficult transition. Getting her into a 'preferred' public school proved futile and she ended up at one that didn't top the list. Fast forward four years and she has transitioned to one of the top high schools in the country! She did so well that she earned two scholarships to cover her high school career.

Who could it be but God?

When she had to leave private school, I was devastated and angry at God for not providing some way for her to stay. I wondered where was my 'four days late?'
Four years later he showed me that not only is he always on time but he is the plan.

God, the ultimate puzzle master.

The pieces of the puzzle did not fit for me at the time and I spent many wasted days and nights trying to put pieces together that almost fit, but as you know.. ' almost doesn't count'. I have been humbled by a God that proved that not only is he good at ordering our steps but he is excellent at putting puzzle pieces together.


He is the puzzle master, he has all the pieces. All.

Us?... well we have one puzzle piece at a time that we get to put down when something happens. The problem is, we don't seem to know this. We think we have all the pieces and we go on misadventures trying to do our 'puzzling' and end up ...well..puzzled.

When everything fell in place with my daughter, I had to smile, I had to say.. ' I see what you did there God'. I realised why no other situation concerning my daughter ever worked the way I wanted it to. I.did.not.have.that.piece.of.the.puzzle. It was not mine to fit. I was not good at puzzles. 

The 'puzzling' truth 

I have come to realise in these few weeks away that I need to trust the timing of my life. I need to let go and let God. I need to trust him, even in the big fat no's.

Behind all of God knows (no's) are yes's waiting on obedience.

Why haven't I written in so long?

There is something so haunting about standing in disobedience to God that can paralyse a person that thinks about writing everyday.

My blog needs to go in a slightly different direction and it is a little bit 'puzzling' to me. It isn't exactly where I would put down that puzzle piece.. you know...the one that I think I have!

Many days I often have to go back to Jeremiah 29:11. It is life. It is the answer to all the puzzles we often try to solve. It is what I and you must apply when we are led in directions that seem 'puzzling'.

Are you trying to put puzzle pieces together?
Do you have a praise report? Share it with us below.

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Tuesday, 12 July 2016

life doesn't just happen.....

'It's  life, things happen'...I've  been hearing that a lot lately.

I don't want to believe that. I can't afford to believe that. Alot of 'things' have been happening lately and it's been a little more than stressful - and if life just kinda happens...its happening to me a little too much.

Car trouble..check
Work stress...check
Phone issues...check
Big fat no...check
Faith issues?....

Yes,  life has happened and there are days when I have felt like having a pity party in the basement with some coconut ice-cream but life doesn't  just happen to me. I had to remind myself  of that a couple of times this week.

My steps are ordered by the Lord!

Faith issues?...

When things seem endlessly slow and unbearably  low,
 Remember our God sits high and looks low. He has promised to never leave or forsake us; He is our father and he is just.
Encourage yourself in the Lord, speak life with every word.
The world may say that things just happen but the Christian should know all things happen for good to them that love the Lord and are called by his purpose.

Faith issues?..... I'm leaving that box unchecked.

For those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength...that word renew....make new again...rewind...again and again as life ' happens' .... I' ll wait on renewal.

I'm still here!

Thursday, 12 May 2016

When Jesus replies with a BIG FAT NO!

On Saturday my phone got shattered.

Just four days later, my hopes suffered the same fate.

I was listening to a preacher on Periscope on Saturday, he was giving a simple, yet powerful message – Psalm 50:23 “Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.” It struck a chord. I had been letting my doubts speak for years. The next few days, I had fewer conversations! The ones I had were just with me and my God. I had begun to understand that I needed to speak life over myself.

If you asked me to explain how the phone fell face down on the cold hard concrete, I’m not sure I could, but as I caught my breath and hoped for the best, disappointment came. Remarkably, all functionality of the phone was intact, the Periscope replay still played, the volume was still soul reaching, but it was shattered nonetheless. I was running my life from that device, this blog, schoolwork, research, my bible notes, pictures, just about everything was on it and I had to decide, should I pronounce it dead or try to make it ‘worthy’ again? I chose the latter. Hopefully, it can be repaired as good as new.

There is this song like – ‘When Jesus says Yes, nobody can say No,’ (and isn’t that the truth) but when you land on the other side of Yes, that flipside, that BIG FAT NO  side – there is another song you sing.

I had fasted. I prayed. I repeated bible promises. I planted a seed. I had spoken life over my days. I had been asking Jesus for something my heart desired, something I had hoped for. Jesus grants the desires of your heart. That same Jesus, after my sacrifice, said…NO! A BIG FAT NO!

On Wednesday, hope, well- it just died – fullstop.

I now, became my phone – shattered but working; fully functional with a broken screen. If you asked me to explain why my hopes fell on the cold hard concrete of life, I’m not sure I could, but as I stepped out in faith and outside of fear, disappointment came with that BIG FAT NO!

Out of all the people in the Bible, I have never heard anybody wanting to be Job – ever! No one names their kid Job, no one longs to lose their loved ones, no one wants to have their friends say the dumbest things at the most painful time of their life and no one wants to lose all they have ever had. If there was ever a happy ending in the Bible, it was Job, but the process! The process was brutal!
The thing about Job though, that we all, I’m sure, find remarkable, was that faith; Satan questioned it, but God, he believed in it. God believed in Job’s faith so much that he removed that covering from him and let that Satan run Job through a sieve. He shattered his business, wealth and family in one go! Talk about overkill!

Curse God and die!

Job couldn’t see the future, he wasn’t a prophet, he didn’t dream dreams, he, just a man, who loved God. On that day when his hopes were shattered, Job could not envision the turn- around that lay up in God’s hand for him – all he could see was desolation.  YET – all he held onto was his God!

His fate didn’t determine his faith – neither must yours or mine

I would take a guess and say that Job probably prayed that day when he lost everything; I’m sure he made all the relevant first fruit and burnt offerings unto his God, but that didn’t spare him from being shattered.

God, must teach lessons in faith, he tailors his plans according to his students. Differentiated learning they call it in education circles, I have to do it too, it takes into account your students’ abilities and learning styles – I must teach the way all my students learn. It isn’t a one size fits all experience anymore. This NO, was my differentiated instruction.

I had whispered in my prayer time that I wanted an increase in faith, I had said it out loud too; the word became flesh; God agreed, then replied with that BIG FAT NO! – Now your move my child.

Curse God and Die!
Job 2:10   But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Job, did not lose his integrity, and neither will I. Psalm 34:1 I will bless the Lord at all times, his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

I had whispered for increased faith. God had answered, “I will grant your request for increased faith, by saying NO, now. I will say NO now, and see if you will still TRUST me, see if you will still LOVE me, see if you will still believe that I WILL do exceedingly abundantly above ALL that you ask or think.” God whispered a BIG FAT NO  and I shed a tear or two, but my faith did not waiver, and I surprised myself when I whispered … “Well, I guess you have something better in store for me; guess I will wait.” 

So, that No song you sing, that we have sent for Jesus but he hasn't come song, I’ll sing it knowing “he’s four days late, but still on time.” 

Martha thought all hope was lost, the family was shattered but God was going to show up and Lazarus was going to come forth. I was disappointed, but I didn't die!

Do you think God loves us any less than he did Lazarus?

1Corinthians 2:9   But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

I'm there for it!

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Thursday, 21 April 2016

I've hit the big 5O! A guide to blogging success in Christ

I have hit the big five O!

Apparently 50 is a milestone number for writers. I've always seen sitcoms celebrating the 50 th and 100 th episode. So I'm celebrating too. Technically, this is my 51 st but who's counting?

When I just started my blog, I read everything blog related; I went on a few bloggers networks- they said- don't apply unless you've written 50 posts! So I wanted to get here, it meant being taken seriously. It meant you were committed... It meant you were blogger network worthy. most ' goals ' when you get there, you are like ' now what? ' What happens when you hit those self imposed, man made targets?

I have scribbled a few of my thoughts, dare I say tips in this post about 'successful' blogging.

Push pass the crowd and touch the hem of his garment! 

When I started this blog 50 posts back in July, I had no idea there were so many Christian blogs out there. I felt like Alice in Wonderland- lost!

But I wrote still! 

I read all the posts that offered advice on how to grow your blog. I visited successful sites and tried to get ideas, I read posts on SEO's. I latched on to free webinars, signed up to receive mail from ' the people who went through it already so you don't have to'! 

I wrote, and I waited with every post to see a share- I waited for that ' viral post!'

Afterall, that's what makes blogs successful right? And doesn't God want us to be successful? If he called us to share through this medium, shouldn't we do all it takes to get in the big leagues?....

Your answer will depend on who you ask, but I read on a holy, one of my favourite Christian blogs...viral is closely related to virus! Isn't that the truth!

We are called to share the word for God's glory, not our own- he's been teaching me that. We all like to feel appreciated, and acknowledged for our efforts but this type of work requires all egos to be left behind; so if it's viral content we seek, we are in the wrong line of work.

The lady with the issue of blood pushed through the crowd to touch Jesus. We, in our efforts to push through the crowded blogosphere, must also seek to touch Jesus to be made whole. Jesus, and by extension his disciples touched lives - one at a time. Remember, the harvest is plenty, it's the labourers that are few. There are enough people out there for every blogger to reach one!

Find your niché 

God, in his wisdom gave us all a purpose, each one different but all to be used for his ultimate glory. I used to sing this hymn in high school...the line...' And we though many throughout the earth, we are one body in this one Lord.' It occurred to me that we look around at others and try to imitate their successes, not appreciating that our one true and wise God has given us a fire shut up in our bones for us to unleash! Each member important but with its own function. We must uncover our purpose and use it to his glory, that alone will make you successful.

The disciples, I suspect, might have had no idea their own writings would have changed a generation! They too didn't have a cult following but were just men, like you and me, being obedient to the unction of the spirit.

So, if you find that you are a great cook, and want to inspire others to eat healthier, feed that! If you have a way to write to reach the young- play it up. If you have a heart for the homeless- love them. Ultimately, we are feeding his sheep.

Write your truth

Another tip I came across from successful bloggers - write posts that help others in some way. Give advice to help others through their struggles. 
Many times when we go through our trials, we are fooled by the adversary that noone understands. We are alone. No one has gone through this before; we hide ourselves behind shame. But, oh, for some honest truth to shine through and light our darkness! In our quest to make our blogs successful, we often make it sanitised and cookie cutter perfect! The lost stay that way and slip deeper down the rabbit hole. The disciples were honest. They said- look right here at this thorn in my side, it's bothering me and I have prayed for relief. Relief wasn't immediate but it's coming. Again they made us know that that thing which we want to do, we do not but do what is wrong... We are in a battle of flesh and spirit but there is a hope in Jesus if we keep our minds stayed on him.

We have to write our truths to help others.

That shameful story, that dark place where we once hid, we must shine light there and look for others and bring them out from the depths of their own hells. People need raw, honest truths as desperately as the blind want to see. If your writing helps one, then you are successful.

SEO and the numbers game

I used to come into my blog and painstakingly look at my numbers- how many visitors did I have today? Which post did they read? How many shares did I have?  Were their any comments? Then I started to compare my blog with others and I started to 'introspect'. So many posts are written all over the Internet about how to increase your numbers, get more traffic to your blog, get more followers and get noticed. To what end? It's easy to lose sight of the end!

I read an interesting article early in my blog about Christian blogging and getting more traffic, the writer thought that we need to be just as vigorous in getting noticed as all the other genres of blogging because we have a greater purpose. The article also said the more people we reach, the more souls we are likely to touch; I agreed, in part.
Numbers and blog traffic are important especially if you want to monetize your blog and segway into appearances and book deals- cause as they say ' ain't nobody got time to listen to a person who isn't relevant'..right?

But, oh for a God who tells me that my talent will make way for me. Oh for a God that gives me favour! Oh when Jesus says ' yes' nobody can say no! I am by no means promoting mediocrity, for my God does nothing that isn't 'good' but God has a process, and most often, he starts small, with just a seed. As the tree grows, he prunes and then we all bear fruit in due season, and as we stay under his guidance we continue in prosperity.

God promotes, not man. You will be in the right place at the right time when he believes you are ready. Your job?... Be obedient.

I could have better numbers, I could write better titles for my posts to turn up in Google searches but I write the titles that are on my heart. I try to be honest. I look at my numbers now and I do not allow them to tell me I am not good enough a writer. I do not allow them to tell me that my content is bad. I am learning that I am pre approved, as Jennifer Dukes Lee says; I am going through my process.

Be true to yourself and give yourself a break.

I have a full time job, I'm a single mother, and I am basically running this blog from my phone! I have internet and PC issues and writing weekly posts, plus doing all the marketing it takes to run what is deemed a successful blog is a struggle. I'm tired and stretched thin, I am aware of my truths and I have to let them guide my decisions. If it were up to me, all my spare time would be spent sleeping but I know I am called to write and I have to push past my tiredness and  sometimes laziness and make the best use of my time. But I don't beat up on myself, instead I lean. Lean on him that can make my burdens light and fix it for me. It will all come together, he promises, he knows the plans he has for me and you...and just like his is good!

Life, begins at 50 huh?...let's see

Happy blogging disciples!

Sunday, 3 April 2016

Hello fear, there's something I need to tell you

Hello fear.

Just before the Easter break, I started teaching homophones, in our curriculum, it is referred to as word pairs. Fear, was not one of my featured words - it came in threes. I didn't want to complicate matters in an introductory lesson.

Fear, you see, complicates matters.

Fear and I have been having a symbiotic relationship for years, a little fear is good right? It keeps you in check, keeps you out of trouble and it can even help you to make critical decisions (that fight or flight hormone). Over time though, things took a turn for the worst. Fear became a friend I loved to love, and it slowly ate away at my being.

Fear overtakes things and makes light places dark places.

Recently, while I looked at my fearful place through a trembling heart, I realised how much of myself I allowed fear to cover with its dark veil. I hadn't allowed parts of me to live. I hadn't allowed parts of me to be known. I hadn't allowed myself to be me.

Fear, you see, takes small pieces at a time...until...

It is a crippling feeling to face my fear, for in doing so, I had to face a part of me that made me feel shame. I had made a mistake that was costly. I had made a mistake that had ramifications. I had made a mistake that I let define me. My mistake, let fear dwell in my mind and my heart. But, I lived life with a smile that covered fallen away pieces. I lived life with my own private, unspoken fear.

Fear likes to hide things.

When God decides to work on a heart, he's going to disturb some things. He's going to uncover some things. He's going to come in with that light and shine it on that dark place. That place that fear abides. Funny, one would imagine that when his light bursts in and illuminates a dark place, that would be the end of that- no more darkness right?....wrong!
Just like a flashlight in a dark room, he zooms in on an area; you get to see the rubble that's there. You then, have to clean up!

Fear meets fare.

When that light shun on fear, when I saw how many pieces of myself was hidden in the dark places, I wept. I wept because of my mistake. I wept because I had become a prisoner of my past. I wept because I was afraid to clean up. When you have to take piles of garbage out, it's highly likely that people will see. It's even more likely that they will judge you. It's a given, you will condemn yourself. I did. But. I looked at fear, and through the tears, I said 'hello fear'...there's something I need to tell you!
"Meet your word pair...fare." A price has already been paid for me to journey through this life, without you.

2 Timothy 1:7 " For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"

Facing fears ultimately means stepping out in faith. Faith is the kryptonite of fear. Faith; my greatest struggle to date. So, if God is shinning his light on my fears, he is simply asking me to increase my faith. He is asking me to trust him. He is asking me to rest in him. He is loving my unspoken broken to wholeness.

Letting go of fear, means letting go of a familiar safety net. When you do that, you mourn a loss. This too can lead to another kind of vulnerability, that can lead to...fear.

What if I let go of fear and I am judged?
What if my mistake is forgiven by God but not by man?
What if I fail?
What if my faith weins?

Fear not!

Fear delights in secrecy. Fear establishes insecurity. Fear gives legitimacy to self doubt. Fear cripples. Fear steals time and let dreams die. Fear held these words in its dark place.

I put off writing this post for weeks, fear gripped the words and threw it in a pile of rubble. It turns out, that's the very pile God shun his light on. I saw it. I moved towards the pile with knees that wobbled, I took up a word at a time like a shy child in a room full of strangers. My heart pounded through my chest with every word I made into a sentence until I breathed steady breaths of relief. God, never gives you more than you can bear and he only asks you to bare your dark places to heal your brokeness.

" So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.

Hello fear'...there's something I need to tell you...I made a list and you're on it.

Hello Fear" by Kirk Franklyn

Hello Fear 
Before you sit down there's something I need to explain 
Since you're here 
I think I should tell you since we last talked things have changed 
See I'm tired of being broken-hearted 
So I made a list and you're on it 
All my hopes and my dreams You took from me 
I want those back before you leave 

Hello Fear 
I knew I would see you, You have a hard time letting go 
See these tears,Take a good look cuz, soon they wont fall anymore 
God's healing my hurtful places 
That seat that was yours now is taken 
I'm no longer afraid,See I'm better this way 
And one more thing before you leave 

Never again will I love you 
My heart it refuses to be your home 
No longer your prisoner 
Today I remember 
Apart from you is where I belong 

And never again will I trust you 
I'm tired of fighting it's been way too long 
No longer your prisoner 
Today I remember 
Who I was and now it's gone 
They're gone 
Hello Fear 
Da da da da da, da da da da da 

Farewell Goodbye So long [3X]

Hello Grace 
It feels like forever, I thought my chance with you was gone 
See your face, it reminds me of mercy 
And please let me say I was wrong 
Never knew your touch was endless 
How you never run dry of forgiveness 
Didn't know how bad it was, was afraid just because 
Sorry fear, grace took your place 


Farewell Goodbye So long [8X]

Hello Fear 
Before you sit down there's something I need to explain
Taken from