Sunday, 13 January 2019

The problem with #muteR.Kelly


The problem with muting R. Kelly

The problem with muting R. Kelly from a christian perspective is that well - we would, on that flip side, be advocating to mute ourselves.

Breath in, chest up - slow release.

It's a hard pill to swallow eeh. I agree. I am you. I stand with all women shoulder to shoulder who have been abused. The pain is realest in the darkest rooms. It's haunting when you try to forget and loudest when you keep silent.

Abuse hurts the ones who asked for nothing in return.



If you were old enough to party in the 90's and 2000's you would definitely love you some R.Kelly.
His music got you moving and talking and some other things too but there was always that thing - that thing we all heard about him marrying Aaliyah when she was 15. I never knew if it was true or not and he said he thought she was older. Then there was that whole video trial debacle. He walked and made more music.

But the thing about muting R.Kelly is we would all need to mute ourselves.

I sat in bible study once and the pastor was discussing /sin/. And every Christian knows that the  wages of sin is death’. All sin equals death. I agreed. But then the question was posed - are there some sins that are greater than others?

I wasted no time to answer that question - my answer- YES.

My pastor's answer - NO

Me: dilemma.

Of course some sin are greater than others. Of course the worst sinners must be murderers, child molesters, abusers and the like.Those sins are particularly despicable. But oh, despicable me!

The truth of the matter is child molester and me liar have done the same thing.
Abuser and me gossiper have done the same thing.
Pedophile and me fornicator have done the same thing.
We have both sinned and fallen short of God's glory.

To mute one is to mute all.

The truth is our secret sins and unknown lies are now hidden or worse accepted as human flaws.

What if we all stood in truth, having all our secret vices and sins exposed? Who would be left to cast the first stone?

NONE.


My hands would fall at my hips - empty.

The world, that made up many of its laws from the commandments is actually where a lot of our skewed views of a hierarchy of sin comes from, it is certainly true for mine.

To be fair- the bible has its fair share of severe punishment for sins, even unto death - cue - Sodom and Gomorrah and Noah and the Ark, where some sins seemed downright- unforgivable - But God.

Murders gets life in prison or the electric chair.
Liars...well they get blocked and deleted from friends lists.

Child molesters get 10+ years in prison.
 Gossipers...they get many ears to whisper in.

Oh But God. - The gift of God - eternal life.

He came to set us free from all the sin and shame. He nailed it all to the cross when He died for you and for me. He doles out His grace and offers freedom from the sin that holds us captive.

Am I advocating for anyone who commits sins that also happen to be a crime to be given God's grace? YES

Am I advocating for anyone who commits a sin that happens to be a crime to not pay or suffer the consequences of his/her actions? NO!

Should we #mute the whole world?
Cause you do know that's what we would have to do right?



A whole world full of sinful people. All our sins are equal at the foot of the cross.

My biggest hope for humanity is that men and women would know who they are in Christ. That men  would not have to seek their manhood through control and power over women. That women could be seen as how God sees them and not as objects of sexual lusts and desires. That women can see themselves as valuable, not because of their outward appearance but because they were created in the very image of the master creator of the entire universe.
 That hurt people would help instead of hurt and that the whole world would not become blinded by its collective pain.


Mute R. Kelly? That's totally up to you - I have long since lost my appetite for that kind of music - but appetite is such a fickle fickle thing - just ask Eve.


What is it that you are battling with and need to be free of today? Lean in to the grace that Jesus provides.

Related post on Grace - what to do when you don't feel committed to that thing you need to be committed to


Tanya❤️

Tuesday, 8 January 2019

Do it afraid or Fear not?

It's a new year filed with new year's resolutions, vision boards 2019, scripture writing plans, scripture for the year and word for the year 2019 - the people of the world are ready to take on 2019!

If I am to be honest, so am I. I have a word for the year too, I have the vision for 2019 but in the midst of it all, my heart encountered this very popular phrase - "Do it afraid."

I have seen it all over social media people living their 'best life' posing atop a mountainside, going skydiving, starting new businesses with the hastag #doitafraid. There is usually an explanation of how they conquered their fear by ..well..just doing it- afraid.

Let me be honest here - I looked at it and I agreed - A jubilant 'yes' resounded from me. I am going to face my fears and do it afraid too.I was proud of all these persons for conquering their fears but silently contemplated if I ever would.

A new year can bring such confidence


Fear not?


But then this thing happened. My spirit said - 'Do it afraid or fear not?'
I was confused.

The question began to haunt me and I decided that I would allow my mind to mull it over a bit. Could this be a post for my reluctant series of the world vs. the word?

I went investigating what the bible had to say about fear, overwhelmingly it said, "fear not!" Then I happened to look if I saw any articles or posts about 'doing it afraid' - I saw plenty - plenty renowned christian authors posts about 'doing it afraid'. I curled in....ooops.


See - I was in opposition to the thinking of 'doing it afraid' and I was just a girl who mulled over something in her head. I was just a girl who began to think that saying 'doing it afraid' and 'fear not' were not one and the same. I began to feel like this thing laid on my heart was no longer valid. I began to fear that my thoughts would be totally discredited because I didn't agree with the popular sentiments of 'doing it afraid.'




'Doing it afraid'

The thing is that the disparity between doing it afraid and fear not seems so small and the outcomes are often the same. I am afraid to do something -I face my fears- I do it anyways- I achieve my goal. Even if I don't achieve what I originally set out to do - I have still gained because I will know what to do next time to improve my odds. Or at best I conquered my fear and now am better for it. There is no loser there right?

But for me - the tiniest, sliest word in 'doing it afraid' is 'I'. I did it afraid. I felt overwhelmingly, crippling fear and I did something to overcome that fear and came out victorious on the other side. It's hard to see - Like the serpent said to Eve - "You will not surely die"( Genesis 3 vs. 4) and she nor Adam certainly did not drop dead physically, but spiritually they died because of a subtle play on words.

Doing it afraid is acting in my own self and my own strengths to get past something that I fear. Let me use a  practical example - say a person is afraid to fly but they want to experience an awesome vacation in Italy - they might try to do it afraid by :- travelling with a friend, taking a favourite book, listen to tapes about being positive or just simply do it afraid by going on the plane and being a nervous wreck and an annoying passenger. But best believe they will make it to Italy. They did it afraid. Actually, let's be fair, they could have even prayed about it and made it too.

But let's not be fooled the Word of God doesn't call us to do anything afraid, or feel the fear and do it anyways. The word of God calls us to be fearless.




Doing it afraid and being fearless is not the same thing.

Doing it afraid
is acting from a point of self. 

Fear not calls for one to be fearless in all situations because God is with you in every situation.


The bible has many accounts where it speaks of not being afraid - not because God thinks that as humans we will be brave in all situations ; he expects that we will be afraid or he wouldn't have said - Fear not. What He doesn't call for us to do is 'do it afraid.' He expects us to check that fear right at the door by calling on Him, that in our weakness of fear, we will gain bravery and strength to face the things that cause us to be afraid in the first place.

Moving towards something afraid is not trusting in God's ability to remove all doubt and fear from our hearts and minds so that we can act in the spirit of power  and a sound mind.

It is entirely different to say - I am going on this awesome vacation in Italy because I know that the God I serve will protect me and remove all fear from my heart and mind rooted in whatever construct I might be operating in. Whether it is fear of terrorism, fear that the world is unsafe, or maybe someone I knew died in a plane crash or just general distrust of mechanics of a plane.

Perfect love casts out ALL fear.

If perfect love casts out fear how is it then that I am going to subscribe to doing something afraid? Isn't it reasonable to assume that even while I am doing the action I am still afraid? So what then was cast out? ( because fear has torment- 1 John 4 vs. 18) Is it to say that a fear can't be instantly cast out by God if I seek Him fervently to do so? Is anything too hard for God or are we ascribing our thinking to how God can operate?

Because he first loved us - perfectly- He doesn't ever want us to be tormented by any type of fear.
Fear of loving others, self; fear of flying, fear of dying, fear of spiders, clowns, towns or cities - no fear at all.


In the story of David and Goliath found in 1st Samuel, the army of Saul were greatly afraid of Goliath and his army. David, a shepherd boy came on the battlefield and was ready to fight, unafraid - his words - "the Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine"(1 Samuel vs 35).  Verses 45 and 46 are also instructive and proves that David wasn't operating out of fear or doing anything afraid - he had a certain confidence as he said "This day the Lord will deliver thee into mine hand;..."

The Bible accounts also of Moses who was asked in Genesis 12 by the Lord to 'get thee out of thy country, and from they kindred, and from they father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee." Genesis 12 vs. 1. The story accounts that he left not knowing even where he was going actually and proponents of the 'do it afraid' thinking says when Abram left, he must have left being afraid but trusted in the Lord so much so that he left but the bible doesn't give an account of his fear - it only speaks to his certain trust and belief in his God. Where I believe that he 'did it afraid' is when he did not trust God enough to protect him when he went into Egypt and told his wife Sarai to lie and say she was his sister to save himself from being killed by the Egyptians - that he did afraid because he didn't ask God to remove the ungodly sense of fear and save him alive.- but I could be wrong.

The story of Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego also shows that trust in God casts out all fear and causes one to act in strength and bravery. The Hebrew boys were not afraid of the firey furnace - their resolve was Our God will save us and if not we will still not bow to your gods. ( Daniel 3 vs. 17- 18).
They did not do it afraid - they feared not- they were resolute.


Doing it afraid is man's way - Fear not is God's way.


I am not afraid to do it because God is with me and he will carry me through is different from saying I will approach whatever I fear afraid.

It is so subtle, so very subtle but most of the lies of the enemy are.

Consider the following:


  • Jesus did not do it afraid did He? Was He afraid to heal on the sabbath day but did it afraid anyways?
  • Was he afraid to speak to scholars at the age of 12 but did it anyway?
  • Was Jesus afraid to be challenged by religious Scholars but answered them afraid anyways?
  • Was he afraid when tempted by the same devil that tempts us? Did he rebuke Him afraid?
  • Was He afraid when they took him captive to crucify Him but did it afraid anyways?
  • Was Jesus afraid to die on the cross but did that afraid?

Feel the fear and do it anyways? - was that Jesus' example?





Feel the fear - and do this

Psalm 34 vs. 4  I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

You might also like to read the first in the series - When hoarding becomes a thing

What fears are you facing today? Will you do it afraid or do it fearless as God intends? Let me know.

Tanya❤️

Thursday, 16 August 2018

What to do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to

Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace - How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, 
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now - I see.." - John Newton

This song, often sung at funerals in Jamaica, captures how I and many others view the grace of God. I have been watching Pastor Micheal Todd's series entitled 'Grace like a flood' where he examines God's grace - simply defined as the 'unmerited undeserved unearned kindness and favour of God' it's an excellent series- you can watch all nine parts here. It has changed my understanding and perspective on grace.

I have commitment issues.
I have issues with consistency.
I have issues being committed to this thing I need to be committed to.
I question myself.daily.
I question God.
I apologize to God.Often.
I ask his forgiveness for not being committed to this thing I need to be  committed to.
As I do this thing, I do not know if it is the thing I am called to do.
I ponder if writing is God's purpose for my life.


So what do you do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?


Do it anyways! 

Do it until you are instructed to do otherwise
Do it while you pray for direction.
Do it until an answer comes.
Have the courage to move even in your uncertainty.

I haven't written on this blog in so long, that coming on here feels like a betrayal of sorts; I fumbled around trying to figure out the landscape that I had grown so accustomed.
I have betrayed my talent.
I have betrayed my stories.
I have betrayed my readers.
I have betrayed the reason I first put black on white.
I have betrayed my God.

The sole purpose of your talent is to use it for God's glory. It must be multiplied.

1 Peter 4:10-1110 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.


The longer I stayed away from that thing I wasn't committed to, was the harder it was to find my way back and the harder it is now to find my words and redirection.
Every time I decided not to write another story, I told a lie on GRACE
I believed God's grace was not sufficient for me. 
I believed his grace didn't cover my disobedience.
I believed his grace wouldn't forgive me for my inconsistency.
I believed I didn't earn His Grace.
I believed a lie.

It has been more than a year since I have written here and my life has changed significantly! My family had a 'suddenly' happen. Whenever there is a 'suddenly' in the Bible - things are going to change - immediately. 
There is no hit like the one you don't see coming - Micheal Todd - truer words have never been spoken. That 'suddenly', surprise hit - it knocks you out cold!

But God.


His GRACE abounds.

God is good.
God is kind.
God is gracious
God is ALL you need when the storms of life knock you down.
Grace - like a flood.


What do you do when you aren't committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Accept God's Grace.
Accept that you can't disappoint God - He already knew you would struggle in the things He has assigned you to - that's why He gives you that grace like a flood.

I thought I wasn't worthy because I wasn't standing where God had left me.
I thought I wasn't worthy enough to write words that people would read about a God that I thought was upset with me. A God I wasn't in fellowship with as I ought to be. 
I rejected his love. I rejected that my sins were covered. I never understood his love. I did not fully understand Romans 8 - that there is nothing that can separate me from God's love - not even me and my unwillingness to commit and serve him.

I hid like Adam.
I hid like Eve.
I hid like Jonah.
I cast my words into the sea.

Unworthy.
Unsure.
Unfaithful.
Impure. 

Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!

Amazing Grace that doesn't condemn. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit" - Romans 8 vs.1
Amazing Grace that invites my words.
Amazing Grace that gently guided my hand over black tiles with white letters.

What do you do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Renew your commitment by renewing your mind.

I must now re connect with God and accept His unwavering Grace and renew my mind by recommitting to the study of His word. Rebirth and renewal must be at the heart of it all.

Grace is not that far off thing that I access when I fail, when I am overwhelmed, when I am despondent - no- grace is all encapsulating. It surrounds me.always. It is mine to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, when I am obedient and disobedient, when I imagine myself worthy or unworthy, whether I think I need it or not- It is there. I reach out my hands and grab grace and it empowers me- Grace like a flood!

What is that thing that you need to become recommitted to?

Much love and blessings
Tanya

Sunday, 1 January 2017

When hoarding becomes a thing - how to let go

I've been like that spoilt child you see in the store. That one that throws himself on the floor, kicking and screaming because he isn't getting his way. I decided I was not to be moved. So I kinda stopped writing. I just wanted to write what came to mind, God wanted to do something decidedly different. I threw a tantrum but I never ever learn...God...well...he always wins.

Funny, when you find yourself outside of the will of God..things go awry. God and I haven't spoken that much, I haven't spent as much time with him as I should. I was throwing a tantrum you see. And God was looking down at me like those embarrassed parents do. He wasn't arguing or reasoning with me though; he was just waiting on me to stop and get back up.

So what's that new direction?

He wants me to compare things. Compare things?... Exactly! Not just anything...compare his word with the world. I did not want to do that, I thought it slightly redundant. Everybody knows that the Word of God is in contradiction to the World...so why should I write about that? Plus..that really would take up many more hours in study than I believe I have the time for...no… I wasn't doing that!

The more I stood in opposition to his leading is the less I wrote; it was the less I felt compelled to write, even though I constantly thought about writing on this blog.
Tantrums make eyes wet, ears hardened and mouths loud.
Tantrums make writing difficult.

I needed to write. It haunted me. I do suppose Jonah felt like this as he bunkered down on that ship, running in place, haunted by God's words. He said..throw me overboard and the storm will stop. I would rather perish than be obedient.

Obedience is better than sacrifice.

I relent. I know not what he does but he will have his way in me and I write about the things I see in his word vs. the world.

And so it begins.

I consider myself the creative type, I like to make charts for my class, and teaching allows me to express myself that way. So whenever I go somewhere and see things..I take them home. I saw a meme on Facebook recently that read..” I collect things and will keep them, just in case I'll use them in the next 462 years.”...I laughed so hard, cause..that was so me. I'm a hoarder.

I don't much like the term ‘ hoarder', it sounds kind of vulgar, makes it sound like a bad thing almost. So I prefer to say, I collect things that I just know I can use someday, and when that idea comes to me how to use that ‘ thing' I feel completely justified with my 'collection’ habit. I also hang on to other things too, like empty bottles that I'm sure I will use, and old note books from high school, college and university, old clothes that I am certain will fit when I lose that 30 or so pounds and I even have a collection of markers that don't write anymore. But, don't, please do not get me confused with those persons you see on that TV show whose houses are so filled with 'stuff’ that they can't even move freely. No, I'm not there. I'm a collector, they are hoarders. The things I keep actually have some use and will come in handy as soon as my ideas kick in!

There are a few times a year that I actually do some kind of ‘ spring cleaning' and throw some of the things away, reluctantly so, but when I do, there is such a sense of relief, but I really only throw those things out to make way for some new 'collectibles’, if I am to be totally honest.

So, when I had to look at comparisons, I had to take a hard look at me.

Collecting things that you might have use for in the future does a thing to your present.

Our world tells us we always are in need of more 'stuff’, it promotes a DIY culture that justifies ‘collecting’ habits.
Our world tells us to hold onto things for nostalgic reasons.
Our world tells us to have ‘ treasures’ right here on earth, after all, we deserve it.  
Our world tells us to hold onto our past, for if we let it go, we will be somehow disconnected from who we are.

We must hoard, I mean...collect.things.

Yes, Jesus wanted me to compare things. I had hoped it was things that I saw in the world and not things that I actually did. Mirror to face!

Hoarding does this one thing. It says God's blessings and provisions are not new.every.morning.
It says, He.is.not.enough.

I do not want to tell that lie.


The Lord is my portion saith my soul; therefore, I shall hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:24

As simple as it is, if I collect things in hopes of using them for my ‘greatest idea ever’, it is saying to my God that he won't supply my needs according to his riches in glory in that moment. If all good things come from Him, including ‘great ideas’ why wouldn't he provide all the things needed?... He never does half a job..does He?

Be careful for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God.” Philippians 4:6

It is saying that I am self sufficient, a forward thinker even, I have saved something for my present from my past. How cool am I right?

The thing about physical hoarding is it also gives way to spiritual hoarding.
The things we keep in our spirits because we can't let them go. Hoarding.
That pain we keep, that doesn't allow us to forgive. Hoarding.
That mountain top moment we relish that doesn't allow us to climb higher. Hoarding. That one time when we were able to complete a fast but get stuck in that glory moment that we don't do another.Hoarding. That time when we allow our fears to cripple us because we gave in to the enemy. Hoarding.
We inadvertently keep things that we should let go of in order to grow.

Do you know what keeping empty bottles and papers and just stuff does? It prevents you from getting the things you actually need. Mentally, you are telling yourself you actually have that thing already, when all you have are empty bottles, papers with holes and a whole lot of useless stuff.

But some of us like the illusion of having lots of stuff.

For the world tells us that the more ‘ 'stuff' we collect or have, is the more successful we are. So imagine, going through your own home, and throwing out all the empties, all the paper, all the clothes that don't fit, all the old letters from boyfriend's past, all the things in the garage that you haven't used in a year. Just imagine, for a moment how many bags and bags of ‘stuff' you would have...that was just nothing but garbage!

Now..look..forward, at the seemingly emptiness that remains. Scary isn't it? Now you realise that where you thought you had ten bottles of perfume, you have one. Where you thought you had learning resources you could fall back on just in case the internet dies.. suddenly...you have nothing. Where you thought you had a closet filled with clothes, you actually have about four solid outfits. Where you thought you had a working grill, you have an old rusty tin pan. Where you thought you were keeping boyfriend memories, you were actually closing off yourself from being truly loved by someone else.

Do you feel the emptiness? Is it a good feeling? Do you feel now the need to replace the emptiness with more ‘stuff’?

You already have all you need right in that moment, right in that empty place.

God can fill empty cups to the point of  overflow….

….. but if the cup is already overflowing with your 'stuff’...wherewith shall it be filled?

I am by no means promoting a minimalist lifestyle, having less 'stuff’ doesn't automatically mean you have more God.

I am just asking us to let our lives, homes, hearts, minds, tongues be filled with more God. If you are going to hoard, hoard some more of him. He can fill empty vessels, not ones full and overflowing with the stuff of this world.

If you have fallen victim to that hoarding culture, where you need all the things for yourself, there's a huge chance, you aren't giving as much as you could or should. As Christians, we are called to give.

I recently saw some videos of door buster sales on black Friday, I saw people trampling, fighting and running into stores in order to fill the need for more stuff, that more than likely, they don't need. It struck me as so sad, the day after ‘ giving thanks’ for all that we had to the person that gives us all good gifts- people still felt the urge to trample over feet to get that one.more.thing. when will it ever be enough? Will we ever have enough? What will quench the need for more?

So comparison lessons #1.

  1. Do not hoard stuff for future use- God is in your future, He already has the things you will need.
  2. Hoarding tells God his blessings aren't sufficient for you
  3. DIY culture says you don't need God because you can..well..as they say do it yourself
  4. Do not fill your life with more stuff...fill your life with more God
  5. Physical hoarding can easily give way to spiritual hoarding
  6. Let go and let God.


And what's the point of hoarding anyways? If the owner of the house knew when the thief was going to come, he would have stood watch. We never can know just when the thief will come to take away All the things we have collected over the years.

That 'collection’ habit I have….that hoarding habit I have, I am slowly speaking to it, every time I see something I'm sure I'll need…. I bin it and then I smile - just a little. Learning = change.

Tanya❤




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Friday, 14 October 2016

The 'puzzling' truth about God's plans

It has been the best of times; its been the worst of times. It's been a long time. Thirteen weeks, at least that's what my blog tells me. In those thirteen weeks, I thought about writing every.single.day.

Why didn't I?

A lot has happened, and because I have been away so long, it's hard to know just where to begin. My sister has been insisting I write a praise report on God's goodness towards my oldest daughter, so I will do just that.

That seems a good place to begin.

I call it .. The great puzzle.



 My youngest daughter likes to do puzzles; me?.... Not so much! I don't like to sit in one place too long, I don't like to look for the pieces and make them fit just right, I don't find it at all relaxing, and to top it off, I'm not very good at it. I remember as a child when I used to visit my late aunt's house, she would have those 1000 piece puzzles. Many times they would be in a state of 'un done' and a few weeks later 'all done' and displayed on a center table with a vase on it. I didn't give it much thought then but that must have been a true labour of love. Me?...as they say...' I ain't got time for that!'

I don't like 'puzzling' as my daughter calls it, but I often attempt it and end of uniquely frustrated.

A few years ago life got 'puzzling'. My daughter had to stop going to private school. It was no longer affordable, she had to be sent to public school and it was a difficult transition. Getting her into a 'preferred' public school proved futile and she ended up at one that didn't top the list. Fast forward four years and she has transitioned to one of the top high schools in the country! She did so well that she earned two scholarships to cover her high school career.

Who could it be but God?

When she had to leave private school, I was devastated and angry at God for not providing some way for her to stay. I wondered where was my 'four days late?'
Four years later he showed me that not only is he always on time but he is the plan.


God, the ultimate puzzle master.

The pieces of the puzzle did not fit for me at the time and I spent many wasted days and nights trying to put pieces together that almost fit, but as you know.. ' almost doesn't count'. I have been humbled by a God that proved that not only is he good at ordering our steps but he is excellent at putting puzzle pieces together.

 Why?

He is the puzzle master, he has all the pieces. All.

Us?... well we have one puzzle piece at a time that we get to put down when something happens. The problem is, we don't seem to know this. We think we have all the pieces and we go on misadventures trying to do our 'puzzling' and end up ...well..puzzled.

When everything fell in place with my daughter, I had to smile, I had to say.. ' I see what you did there God'. I realised why no other situation concerning my daughter ever worked the way I wanted it to. I.did.not.have.that.piece.of.the.puzzle. It was not mine to fit. I was not good at puzzles. 

The 'puzzling' truth 

I have come to realise in these few weeks away that I need to trust the timing of my life. I need to let go and let God. I need to trust him, even in the big fat no's.

Behind all of God knows (no's) are yes's waiting on obedience.

Why haven't I written in so long?

There is something so haunting about standing in disobedience to God that can paralyse a person that thinks about writing everyday.

My blog needs to go in a slightly different direction and it is a little bit 'puzzling' to me. It isn't exactly where I would put down that puzzle piece.. you know...the one that I think I have!

Many days I often have to go back to Jeremiah 29:11. It is life. It is the answer to all the puzzles we often try to solve. It is what I and you must apply when we are led in directions that seem 'puzzling'.



Are you trying to put puzzle pieces together?
Do you have a praise report? Share it with us below.


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Tuesday, 12 July 2016

life doesn't just happen.....

'It's  life, things happen'...I've  been hearing that a lot lately.

I don't want to believe that. I can't afford to believe that. Alot of 'things' have been happening lately and it's been a little more than stressful - and if life just kinda happens...its happening to me a little too much.

Car trouble..check
Sickness...check
Work stress...check
Phone issues...check
Big fat no...check
Frustrations....check
Faith issues?....

Yes,  life has happened and there are days when I have felt like having a pity party in the basement with some coconut ice-cream but life doesn't  just happen to me. I had to remind myself  of that a couple of times this week.

My steps are ordered by the Lord!

Faith issues?...

When things seem endlessly slow and unbearably  low,
 Remember our God sits high and looks low. He has promised to never leave or forsake us; He is our father and he is just.
Encourage yourself in the Lord, speak life with every word.
The world may say that things just happen but the Christian should know all things happen for good to them that love the Lord and are called by his purpose.

Faith issues?..... I'm leaving that box unchecked.

For those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength...that word renew....make new again...rewind...again and again as life ' happens' .... I' ll wait on renewal.


I'm still here!


Thursday, 12 May 2016

When Jesus replies with a BIG FAT NO!

On Saturday my phone got shattered.

Just four days later, my hopes suffered the same fate.

I was listening to a preacher on Periscope on Saturday, he was giving a simple, yet powerful message – Psalm 50:23 “Whoso offereth praise glorifieth me and to him that ordereth his conversation aright will I shew the salvation of God.” It struck a chord. I had been letting my doubts speak for years. The next few days, I had fewer conversations! The ones I had were just with me and my God. I had begun to understand that I needed to speak life over myself.

If you asked me to explain how the phone fell face down on the cold hard concrete, I’m not sure I could, but as I caught my breath and hoped for the best, disappointment came. Remarkably, all functionality of the phone was intact, the Periscope replay still played, the volume was still soul reaching, but it was shattered nonetheless. I was running my life from that device, this blog, schoolwork, research, my bible notes, pictures, just about everything was on it and I had to decide, should I pronounce it dead or try to make it ‘worthy’ again? I chose the latter. Hopefully, it can be repaired as good as new.

There is this song like – ‘When Jesus says Yes, nobody can say No,’ (and isn’t that the truth) but when you land on the other side of Yes, that flipside, that BIG FAT NO  side – there is another song you sing.

I had fasted. I prayed. I repeated bible promises. I planted a seed. I had spoken life over my days. I had been asking Jesus for something my heart desired, something I had hoped for. Jesus grants the desires of your heart. That same Jesus, after my sacrifice, said…NO! A BIG FAT NO!

On Wednesday, hope, well- it just died – fullstop.

I now, became my phone – shattered but working; fully functional with a broken screen. If you asked me to explain why my hopes fell on the cold hard concrete of life, I’m not sure I could, but as I stepped out in faith and outside of fear, disappointment came with that BIG FAT NO!

Out of all the people in the Bible, I have never heard anybody wanting to be Job – ever! No one names their kid Job, no one longs to lose their loved ones, no one wants to have their friends say the dumbest things at the most painful time of their life and no one wants to lose all they have ever had. If there was ever a happy ending in the Bible, it was Job, but the process! The process was brutal!
The thing about Job though, that we all, I’m sure, find remarkable, was that faith; Satan questioned it, but God, he believed in it. God believed in Job’s faith so much that he removed that covering from him and let that Satan run Job through a sieve. He shattered his business, wealth and family in one go! Talk about overkill!

Curse God and die!

Job couldn’t see the future, he wasn’t a prophet, he didn’t dream dreams, he, just a man, who loved God. On that day when his hopes were shattered, Job could not envision the turn- around that lay up in God’s hand for him – all he could see was desolation.  YET – all he held onto was his God!

His fate didn’t determine his faith – neither must yours or mine




I would take a guess and say that Job probably prayed that day when he lost everything; I’m sure he made all the relevant first fruit and burnt offerings unto his God, but that didn’t spare him from being shattered.

God, must teach lessons in faith, he tailors his plans according to his students. Differentiated learning they call it in education circles, I have to do it too, it takes into account your students’ abilities and learning styles – I must teach the way all my students learn. It isn’t a one size fits all experience anymore. This NO, was my differentiated instruction.

I had whispered in my prayer time that I wanted an increase in faith, I had said it out loud too; the word became flesh; God agreed, then replied with that BIG FAT NO! – Now your move my child.

Curse God and Die!
Job 2:10   But he said unto her, Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Job, did not lose his integrity, and neither will I. Psalm 34:1 I will bless the Lord at all times, his praise shall continually be in my mouth.

I had whispered for increased faith. God had answered, “I will grant your request for increased faith, by saying NO, now. I will say NO now, and see if you will still TRUST me, see if you will still LOVE me, see if you will still believe that I WILL do exceedingly abundantly above ALL that you ask or think.” God whispered a BIG FAT NO  and I shed a tear or two, but my faith did not waiver, and I surprised myself when I whispered … “Well, I guess you have something better in store for me; guess I will wait.” 

So, that No song you sing, that we have sent for Jesus but he hasn't come song, I’ll sing it knowing “he’s four days late, but still on time.” 

Martha thought all hope was lost, the family was shattered but God was going to show up and Lazarus was going to come forth. I was disappointed, but I didn't die!

Do you think God loves us any less than he did Lazarus?

1Corinthians 2:9   But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

I'm there for it!



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