Saturday, 12 September 2015

When delay feels like denial and you are just about ready to give up

When delay feels like denial and I am just about ready to give up, I Yell.
I yell at the driver in front of me that's moving as slow as my dreams,
I yell at my children and watch their eyes die.
I yell at the chicken for burning in the pot, but mostly, I really just want to YELL at God.

I want to say :
Hey God, I am really sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm really tired of this almost state of being. I almost there- but almost doesn't count! It doesn't! What good is an almost perfect job? What good is an almost perfect husband I have never met ? What good is an almost breakthrough? Tell me!!
Almost. It doesn't count and I'm just done.

Mr. Jesus- I'm almost done with you. But. Almost doesn't count.

You're four days late- Lord I don't understand why you waited so long! If you are like me, and you find yourself in a jam and you are looking to an all knowing God to solve it- four days is just that- 4 days. I am counting 1 - 2 - 3 - 4! Four days- I waited, your move - now show up- just show up already!

I'm living in earth's time. Not heaven's time. And for me - time is almost over.
If it's a season- well that's 3 months- why do I have to live a season that lasting for years though?

I'm not Joseph, I'm not Job, I'm not Father Abraham, I'm just me. Tanya.
An ordinary girl, in an ordinary world wondering where is my super-natural breakthrough. Why isn't God fighting for me? Why isn't he making a way for me? Why, if he grants the desires of your heart- he doesn't just do it already?

I almost feel abandoned - but - almost doesn't count.

I do suppose that Joseph must have felt just like me when he sat in that prison cell waiting for his God to show up and show out. I do suppose he had days like this. Days when he felt denied. I wonder if he at any time almost gave up on God? I wonder what he said to himself in those days when the wind left and the air was hot with disappointment.

Those almost state days are the days where the wind is totally sucked out of the atmosphere, and all you feel is an angry heat. You become hard with yourself. You become hard with others. Those days are filled with regret and next day apologies.

On these days though - Mr. Jesus doles out extra grace. You have to allow yourself to feel it. You have to let the wind back in. Grace always wins.

What do you do when delay feels like denial and you almost want to give up on God?

Remember that almost - well - it doesn't count.

Those days, when your feet hit the cold hard tiles of life, you stand, on solid ground- put one foot in front of the other and inhale. Feel that breath? It's the breath of life and you've still got it. There is no almost about that! Which means you better make it count!

On these days pray, praise, plan. In that order. 

On those days when delay masquerades itself as denial, remember those 2 days that the wind was sucked out of the atmosphere and the heat scarred the whole earth. Remember that day 3 didn't almost come - it came with a wind that lifts you up in perfect peace. Remember the price paid to redeem your dreams - your hopes - your fears- your tears.

On those days:
Be patient with yourself.
Be patient with others.
Be patient with God.

When you cant see his plan, when you don't understand- TRUST HIS HEART

Scripture readings; Genesis 37- 41(Joseph's Story), Isaiah 26:3

Be sure to read this related post on Waiting: Birthdays and Mercedes Benz

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  1. Thank you for another great read. I love that reminder, when you can't see His plan, Trust His Heart!

    1. Thanks for your continued support and encouragement on this journey. Iron sharpens iron so we need each other on the journey. I love the song very much, you always need a song in your heart.

  2. Tanya~we are 'neighbors' at Thought Provoking Thursdays this week. I'm so glad to have 'met' you. Beautiful song and very wise post. God bless you.