Tuesday, 13 October 2015

How not to trade God's perfect for yours, cause yours is useless

Ever so often when bloggers take a hiatus, they come back with a post to say " my life has been so crazy" or "I've been incredibly busy," so posts, which are for the most part, a hobby, gets put on the back burner. Christian bloggers are no different, even though their purpose for posting may be a tad different from other bloggers. So I'm just going to say it - I've been incredibly busy - incredibly!

I started a new job, one that's been waiting on me since I was knitted in my mother's womb and I've been overwhelmed! There is much to do, and as the days drag on, I have been feeling a bit, well incompetent.

It's a challenge.

 Jeremiah 29:11 I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Even though I have been wanting this, I found myself saying- out loud - 'be careful what you wish for' and when it left my mouth, I felt, well, incredibly ungrateful.

I wanted the idea of the job, I invented the perfect setting, a perfect approach from me, and my own expected end- but in reality I got - an imperfect brokeness that I have been trying to fix.

That's the first challenge

I have been trying to fix it. And I have discovered, I am No good at fixing broken. This, I already knew- in theory. We all want to fix things don't we? We all want to fix others, but the only way to fix anything, truly fix anything is giving the brokenness to God, our potter, and stay on our knees while he gives beauty for ashes.

I originally thought that I was instructed to write these posts for others, however, I have discovered that it is God's way to speak His words into my heart- first. It's His way of hiding His word in my heart, so that I do not sin against Him.

Many days that turned into years, I felt that my prayers were laughing at me, they were piercing firey darts into my heart but God was stripping, he was humbling, he was building. I realized that. Now that He has granted the desires of my heart, I was hoping I would be comfortable. I was hoping for a perfectly comfortable situation. But God doesn't do comfort zones. God does stretching. God does growing. God does perfect. His perfect; not mine.

So what do you do in a imperfectly perfect situation? 

Stay close to the source, God's ways are not your ways, and if He has sent you somewhere, it's to accomplish his will for your life, as well as for someone elses.

When I read the story of Jonah, I didn't marvel so much about him being in the belly of the whale as much as to his reaction after the Lord decided to spare the people of Nineveh from destruction. He was sorely upset. God, in His wisdom, had done what He knew was best for 120,000 people, but the 1 was upset. The 1, had no right to be, for THE ONE, had made a decision to use 1 to save many.

I do not know why I am where I am, that's the hard part, that's the trust part, that's that faith walk part- that's the part, I struggle with. I just want to know- it would be easier to know how to 'plan' if only I knew part- but if God is in it, it's bigger, better and more perfect than any plan that I could ever imagine or think. And my imagination doesn't know small.

So now, I leave the fixing to the professional.

Now, I will not allow myself to become overwhelmed because of this-
Now I will not feed the seed of insecurities because of this-
Now I allow myself to grow into my destiny because of this-

Philippians 4:13 I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me. Not some, not most. ALL. 3 letters that pack a powerful punch. 3 letters that says I AM.

Do you have a similar story where your prayers were answered but not in the way you wanted? Share it with us.

Related post: When delay feels like denial and you are just about to give up

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  1. Thank you for sharing Tonya. Glad to see you posted again. I loved the line that says you planned on ministering to others but in turn it has been God ministering to your heart. I have had that so many times. I intended on teaching and have been taught by my Master. I have planned to change hearts but the Lord is changing mine. He has such amazing ways to grow His children. I am blessed to be called His daughter.

    1. Thanks Jaime, and he also puts special cheerleaders in our midst to keep us from giving up and letting go, like you have been. I feel the growth and hope that others in time will see it also.