Starting at the end is the best place to begin

When you're looking at someone's end to chart your beginning, you're going to get lost.

I had a haunting yearning deep inside my soul that kept screaming - 'You need to write... Just write!' I had managed to subdue the screams with the chaos of life and the myriad of distractions that lie within. I did it successfully for a few years, but on the odd day when I managed to 'be still' (Psalm 46) it crept up to the top of my consciousness with a whisper 'I'm still here and you must still write.'

Obedience has never been my strong point, in fact, I like to oppose things, not even because I disagree with a point, but just for the sake of opposing. I knew God was speaking to me, I knew what He placed deep within but I needed to oppose. Now, I fear God,(Prov. 9:10) so I certainly wasn't going to say an outright No, a girl is disobedient but she ain't no fool...I know 'obedience is better than sacrifice' (1Samuel15:22)- so I procrastinated...OK...OK... delayed, much like Jonah did( we all know where he ended up) but who was I kidding? God always wins!

So it began...the road to writing...about...God..and me.

Eventually, when I got my mind right and realized being in a whale's belly would probably not be much fun, I started looking at people's ends to chart my beginning and got lost in perfection. Go figure?

I waded in a sea of my favourite blogs looking at their 'perfectness' - how well ordered everything was on the page, how crisp the pictures were, how well written the content was, how I moved around easily from pillar to post and I thought - yup, I can do that, looked simple enough. I wanted the perfect colour, the perfect gadgets, I wanted to learn HTML overnight, I wanted the perfect header, the perfect name but God....well, He just wanted my obedience.

I'm peculiar about anything that's going to represent me, it has to reflect perfectness, imagination, deep thought, research and uniqueness. I've spent many sleepless nights chasing perfection only to have it cascade into the abyss.

Do you ever do a pre- prep of your feet before going to get a pedicure? Or start doing sit-ups a month before starting the gym? Just so you can appear less imperfect? Or saying, God I need me to be a little less imperfect when I come to you, so , I have to stop taking drugs first, or I have to stop dating this guy first, so I'm going to stay out here in the world and fix myself until....well... I'm perfect... then I'll come...

God just wants you to be obedient to His call, His purpose for your life. He knew I wouldn't have known anything about designing a blog, He knew too that I would want it to look perfect but He also knows the plan He has for me, one that has an expected end (Jer. 29:11) with my obedience and with me walking in His will; just like He knew Moses would stutter but He called him still- I'm thinking God likes the imperfectly hapless sinners for it is in them that He can accomplish His greatest work.

What can one do with a perfectly cut diamond other that wear it?

Any creator will tell you, all the joy is in the making, the fashioning, the shaping, the cutting; the finish product is just for show.

We all cry at weddings not just because two have become one but because we know what each person went through to let the love in, it's pretty much how we let the love of God come in to accomplish what it will, then we show ourselves as the bride of Christ.

The thing about looking at people's end is that we are oblivious to their own beginnings - a butterfly doesn't just emerge from its cocoon, it has to fight its way out, a flower doesn't just bloom, it has to have the best conditions acting beneath and above the surface to create a bloom.

Let your beginning start at your own end - an end to self, an end to procrastination and an end to perfectionism.

For while we strive daily to be perfect as God is perfect, it can quickly descend into a destructive force that can lead to obsession and frustration if we look to man's definition of perfect.

'But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.' 1 Peter 5:10

Related Scriptures: 1 Samuel 15, 1Peter 5 : 10, Deuteronomy 28.