Friday, 30 October 2015

A husband for a single mom

....And there are days when I feel completely overwhelmed.

Being a parent means there are no days off, being a single parent, however, mean days off are dreams you dare not dream. And using the bathroom uninterrupted? Well, that's something you vaguely remember from a life you can no longer imagine.

I literally have no late mornings this year, not even Saturdays. This week I fell asleep in mid conversation with my daughter; she was not amused the next day when I brought it up. I'm tired. A lot.

I go from school to school, to home, to trying to thaw out from my days, then to listening to everyone competing for my attention. Their life, their day's events are no less important than mine. I admit, my life could be harder, I might be a single mom but I do have help of the grandest kind- grandma...or else- I'd be drowning.

Whoever said that you could have it all - lied.  Something suffers, Someone suffers.

I miss Parent Teachers Meetings. I literally can't be in two places at once. I miss school events, I often have to choose whose event I go to and have to explain why I make that choice. It's a delicate balance and I'm in a glass menagerie.

I was never good with glass.

I was at church. There was a speaker, she planted a seed in my heart. Her question... Are you married? Nope...I said it with a tinge of embarrassment...I should be- with two kids and bordering on that age where I'm more likely to get struck by lightning than to get married. Her words to me:

" Let God be your husband"

In a totally spiritual moment my mind went into overdrive and I had a totally natural reaction... in my head...for I dared not let that out...I thought...

Husband? God? Huh? No.......armmmm....No... in every sense of the could God be my husband?

Her words gave me pause.

Then she said, "just tell him that you love him, that's all he wants to hear"

Single parents, especially with multiple kids need a hand, all the way up to the shoulders. To rest your head, to cry on, to give you a back rub, to play in your hair, to point you in the right direction and to give you all the things you find it so hard to do - on your own. Lest the feminists come to get me, I applaud independence but even Jesus needed a cross bearer, even Jesus needed disciples for His journey.

I have said, and often heard said, that Jesus never asks you to do anything He has never gone through before. He went through it! He had parents that didn't understand Him, a friend that he literally washed his feet that betrayed Him, He was totally misunderstood by the very people that should have understood Him. He died on a cross in shame. 

But................. the other day I was thinking just this............. He never really went through the whole relationship thing; He didn't have a girlfriend, there was no record of Him falling in love.

I understand that He didn't have to go through every gamut of the human existence but we were born into relationships, and Adam, the first man was given a helpmate, for he sat alone, with no kind like himself. Eve,  became the woman that was made for the man. So how come Jesus didn't replicate that in His earthly journey?

So, what does a husband do exactly? How is it that I should make Jesus my husband? How do I prepare for a groom?

A husband is :
 1. A provider
Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

2. A burden bearer
1 Peter 5 :7 Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you

3. He is a protector
Daniel 6:22 My God has sent his angel, and hath shut the lions' mouth, that they have not hurt me: forasmuch as before him innocency was found in me; and also before thee, O King, have I done no hurt

3. He is a lover
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

4. He is faithful
Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

A husband is, I would imagine, so many of these things, and so much more yet just an earthly flawed version of a God that has no equal. 

Jesus as a husband? 

The more I though about it in the weeks that followed, the more it seemed plausible; a provider, a friend, a problem solver, a potter, a gardener, an inventor, a creator, a lover, a wise one, a fighter, a peacemaker, a way maker, a burden bearer, a great listener, a secret keeper, a righteous judge, someone who will encourage me, a lifter upper, someone who won't hurt me, won't lie or cheat or steal, someone who will carry me - always. Sounds kinna perfect..don't you think?

But if my husband is all these great things - what of me? The bride? What is my role in all this perfection? 

I must trust Him, I must trust all this love and affection. I must trust his truths - completely. I must, open up myself to be vulnerable, for that is the only true way to completely - love. This is the hardest thing for women who have been hurt by the 'earthly example' of a husband. Saying "I love you" to one that is 100% true. 

Take a deep breath, and on the exhale, say - I love you Jesus - it wasn't that easy but when you get it out - it's like letting go of all the bags you've carried around for years. I love you, I trust you and I will allow myself to be loved by you.

Why didn't Jesus have a wife, so we could see that example? He didn't have to, because he left us the example of complete unadulterated love. Just love, God is love. If you know God then you know how to love - that's the only example that you need. 

How do you protect and cherish a partner? Love them
How do you stay married for a lifetime? Love each other
How do you raise a family, when you are stretched to transparency? Love them and yourself

Sound simplistic? 

Love isn't complicated. 

On the days when motherhood makes me feel like a glorified taxi driver and I can't remember the last time it was all about me - just me- all I really need is to feel like I matter, like I'm appreciated. Like I'm loved. 

God's got that.

On the days when your kids might feel like their mom is just too tired to even listen to them talk about what they learnt in school, or how 'today was the worst day ever' because their classmates wouldn't listen to them as they carried out their monitor duties, all they really want is to feel like they matter to you - like they are appreciated by you. Like they are loved by you.

It's all about love. Just love.

And God's got us all covered in love.

1 John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."


  1. Love this post. I can totally feel your heart. I have compassion for you and your family but I also have reassurance that you are going to be fine- no great- because you have the greatest loving Father, Jesus Christ. Many blessings on your journey friend.

  2. thank you Jaime, prayers up, blessings down...I'll take great!