What to do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to

Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace - How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, 
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now - I see.." - John Newton

This song, often sung at funerals in Jamaica, captures how I and many others view the grace of God. I have been watching Pastor Micheal Todd's series entitled 'Grace like a flood' where he examines God's grace - simply defined as the 'unmerited undeserved unearned kindness and favour of God' it's an excellent series- you can watch all nine parts here. It has changed my understanding and perspective on grace.

I have commitment issues.
I have issues with consistency.
I have issues being committed to this thing I need to be committed to.
I question myself.daily.
I question God.
I apologize to God.Often.
I ask his forgiveness for not being committed to this thing I need to be  committed to.
As I do this thing, I do not know if it is the thing I am called to do.
I ponder if writing is God's purpose for my life.

So what do you do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Do it anyways! 

Do it until you are instructed to do otherwise
Do it while you pray for direction.
Do it until an answer comes.
Have the courage to move even in your uncertainty.

I haven't written on this blog in so long, that coming on here feels like a betrayal of sorts; I fumbled around trying to figure out the landscape that I had grown so accustomed.
I have betrayed my talent.
I have betrayed my stories.
I have betrayed my readers.
I have betrayed the reason I first put black on white.
I have betrayed my God.

The sole purpose of your talent is to use it for God's glory. It must be multiplied.

1 Peter 4:10-1110 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

The longer I stayed away from that thing I wasn't committed to, was the harder it was to find my way back and the harder it is now to find my words and redirection.
Every time I decided not to write another story, I told a lie on GRACE. 
I believed God's grace was not sufficient for me. 
I believed his grace didn't cover my disobedience.
I believed his grace wouldn't forgive me for my inconsistency.
I believed I didn't earn His Grace.
I believed a lie.

It has been more than a year since I have written here and my life has changed significantly! My family had a 'suddenly' happen. Whenever there is a 'suddenly' in the Bible - things are going to change - immediately. 
There is no hit like the one you don't see coming - Micheal Todd - truer words have never been spoken. That 'suddenly', surprise hit - it knocks you out cold!

But God.

His GRACE abounds.

God is good.
God is kind.
God is gracious
God is ALL you need when the storms of life knock you down.
Grace - like a flood.

What do you do when you aren't committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Accept God's Grace.
Accept that you can't disappoint God - He already knew you would struggle in the things He has assigned you to - that's why He gives you that grace like a flood.

I thought I wasn't worthy because I wasn't standing where God had left me.
I thought I wasn't worthy enough to write words that people would read about a God that I thought was upset with me. A God I wasn't in fellowship with as I ought to be. 
I rejected his love. I rejected that my sins were covered. I never understood his love. I did not fully understand Romans 8 - that there is nothing that can separate me from God's love - not even me and my unwillingness to commit and serve him.

I hid like Adam.
I hid like Eve.
I hid like Jonah.
I cast my words into the sea.

Unworthy.
Unsure.
Unfaithful.
Impure. 

Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!
Saved by Grace!

Amazing Grace that doesn't condemn. "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit" - Romans 8 vs.1
Amazing Grace that invites my words.
Amazing Grace that gently guided my hand over black tiles with white letters.

What do you do when you don't feel committed to the thing you know you need to be committed to?

Renew your commitment by renewing your mind.

I must now re connect with God and accept His unwavering Grace and renew my mind by recommitting to the study of His word. Rebirth and renewal must be at the heart of it all.

Grace is not that far off thing that I access when I fail, when I am overwhelmed, when I am despondent - no- grace is all encapsulating. It surrounds me.always. It is mine to have, to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, when I am obedient and disobedient, when I imagine myself worthy or unworthy, whether I think I need it or not- It is there. I reach out my hands and grab grace and it empowers me- Grace like a flood!

What is that thing that you need to become recommitted to?

Much love and blessings
Tanya