Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Forgive- in the moment- for you may not have the luxury of time

Forgiveness is a hard thing for us human folks. Hard for us common folks. Hard for us broken folks. Hard for us hurting folks. Forgiveness, is even harder to 'give' in the moment when you are being hurt, wounded, mocked, lied upon by people you helped; people you love deeply. But we are called to forgiveness. It's hard.

I watched the movie War Room with my trio last week Friday, at first my daughter said - I want my money back, can we watch something else? She had paid no money, and I certainly wasn't watching a cartoon- because I was about my father's business. But as the show progressed she grew quiet; the seed was embedding. At the end I asked her what she thought of a war room for our house, she smiled- I'm not sure, where would we put it? I wouldn't want anybody to be able to read my stuff, she declared. She had become open to idea.

Praying is a powerhouse of a tool. I don't do it quite as much as I should.

For me, the movie changed my perspective on the 'enemies' we fight, and how I have been going about the fight All wrong this whole time! I have been fighting against people- pushing back against people instead of fighting the real enemy working through them. I need a war room, in-fact...I need a war house!

When people hurt me,and I look at their faces, and I hear their voices, all I see, hear and feel is my hurt, my pain, my betrayal. All I remember is how good I was to the person, how much I helped, sacrificed and gave my all. All I can think is how good I am and how bad they are. All I AM is angry. All I AM is hurt. All I AM is not forgiving. All I AM is fighting the wrong enemy. All I AM is losing.

And today I thought about forgiveness and these words  Luke 23:34 Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do....." as I stared at a face I felt too hurt to forgive. The wound was still fresh, and forgiveness was too much to ask. Hard.
As the words of Jesus danced upon my heart, I hardened it even as I thought this :- How awesome a God we serve that in the very moment that they mocked, geared, spat, betrayed, pierced, and abused him, the I AM, the creator of the universe, could say and live out the words - Forgive!

Here I AM, just a regular lady who had been hurt that was refusing to forgive, after the fact, and looked upon a face of someone that betrayed me and see them as'bad' and myself  as 'good'. I was the good one, the kind one, the one who was wronged. I have all right to be angry, upset, and militant about my unforgiveness. I AM wrong and strong! And this is why ALL our righteousness are but filthy rags, for our 'goodness' - well - it's just no good!

And God calls us to do the hard things. The things we don't want to do, the things that stretches us, the things that prepares us for what is to come. If as a Christian I want to be more like him, well, forgiveness - in the moment - has got to be a new normal and I will have to look myself in the mirror, swallow deeply and ................................follow Christ's example. Hard.

Last year, I ate a lot of pork; this year I decided that I didn't want to eat as much pork. I was resolute and I had pork, maybe four times this year. Three out of those four times, my body totally rejected it. It was upon the third occasion, just this weekend, as I sat curled up with a case of the runs that I realized what my body was trying to tell me on those other occasions.

My body said - 

Tanya, even though pork tastes so good to the taste buds, we, the digestive system have decided that we will no longer accept it, after all this time; it is foreign to us now and we do not want it any longer. In the event that you decide to forget what we clearly showed to you two times before, we will continue with the 'runs' in a more serious way, until you understand our position.

 Best regards, 
The Digestive system

Since, I have better things to do than fight with my own body, I think I'll give up pork altogether, hoping in the back of my mind that giving up fresh pork doesn't include me having to give up ham! For Christmas is a coming! 

It isn't the first time my body has rejected foods that I like to eat, it did it before with mangoes, fish and rice, and for each of those foods I did something that got my body to re- adjust ever so nicely to accepting them again!

Follow me- I promise I'm going somewhere with this!

This is what I did - even though my body said no - I kept eating those things my body didn't want - a little at a time, even through the occasional tummy aches and upchucks- I continued eating them until my body got used to them and I could have some of my favourites again without any painful reminders that once signaled their arrival into my digestive system.

It is the job of an active conscience to tell you when you have sinned and fallen short of God's glory, if you keep denying and suppressing that conscience, eventually it becomes less active, and you end up waist deep in a sinful unforgiving state of being. 

Like my digestive system, that voice of reason that speaks to you when you know you are wrong, that voice that brings a scripture to your heart that solidifies your wrong, is trying to save you from a night curled up in pain and anguish. It is trying to save you from a more serious case of the runs. But the more you indulge in sin, a little at a time, is the more that you will become accepting of it, and the less you will feel that conscience pricking you to do what is right. 

So I am caught in my wrong and I must make it right - 70 x 7. Hard. Yet doable, if I consider the consequences - and I must.

A little song I learnt recently from an African missionary to Jamaica...

I want to be more and more like Jesus
I want to be more and more like him
I want to be more and more and more and more
More and more and more and more 
More and more and more Like him

When I sing these words,I want them to be true, I want to be forgiving,I want to show God's love to those who hurt me, I want to learn to forgive, in the moment. I want to soften my heart instead of harden it. I want to do it so that in loving my enemies - I give them pause - I give them thought- I give them a moment to have questions dance on their hearts. A simple question like - how is it that she still shows me love, when I gave evil for good?...........and maybe, as they go about their daily lives, if not me, then someone will be able to answer that question and simply say :-

"Isn't the love of Jesus something wonderful?"

Then the I AM that is within me would be winning!

Forgive the moment....for we may not have the luxury of time

Related Post:How to forgive with an eraser called time


  1. How lovely and so very true. Hard hitting words, but so necessary to "hear" again and again...I love "Forgive in the moment for we may not have the luxury of time."

    1. Thanks Ariete, Initially I had another post that spoke to forgiveness, I linked it as a related post- but in that post I spoke about forgiving in time but that perspective is changing, the moment I realised and understood what God did while still on the cross...he didn't wait..he forgave in that very moment.Hard to do indeed

  2. Tanya, these words are so timely! I just got through with my time with the Lord and I was struggling to really release someone who had offended me....AGAIN! I was reading the words of Romans 8 that reminds me that if I walk in the flesh I cannot please God. THe other option? Walk in the spirit! I can forgive a repeated offender as many times as needed only if I make the choice to walk in the spirit. And like you I want to always consider the consequences of not forgiving. THanks again!

  3. A Rhema word to your heart! I'm glad for it...repeat offenders!!!- but we have to do what we have to do to go where we want to go Anika! This is definitely not an easy journey.

  4. These are words I did NOT want to read but NEED to read and allow them to penetrate. I have been hurt and have been quiet because I have not known how to respond. I am thankful I did not jump up, type words I would regret which is what I believe she may have done to least typed them and mailed them. So I am going to spend some time in the prayer closet with God for I want peace. The friendship may never be revived to what it once was, but it can be a peaceful relationship, I hope. Thank you.
    Caring through Christ. ~ linda

    1. Linda~ I am sorry for your hurt and broken friendship, I do hope that it can be mended, I believe forgiveness frees you from a huge burden and you feel so much better afterwards. I am sure when you spend time with God, he will direct you to the best way to deal with this situation. Thanks for stopping by and I will visit your space later

  5. Tanya, this is really beautiful! I love how you really look at yourself, how God convicted you on the forgiveness issue..we are so blessed to have the power to forgive given by the Great Forgiver God! I have turned my relationships around through forgiveness..but it has taken years..I still have some work to do..but I've realized each step I make toward radical forgiveness is freedom!!! Bless you! Glad you're chosing to eat foods that your body needs and wants, rejecting all that doesn't belong in your body, mind and spirit!

    1. Thank you Kathy! I am always trying to move forward and I got a big mirror to look at myself- I have to like what I see. I honestly saw nothing wrong with forgiving in time but this situation changed it for me and I'm glad for the lesson. I am going to try my hardest to keep my body free of all that ails it too! Glad you joined the conversation